What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. ~Colette

I'm pretty PUN -ny!

2012-01-27T11:09:00.000-06:00

I think I'm pretty funny (or should I say pun -ny) and pretty much a dork. So this year I made little treat bags for J with puns on them for his birthday/Valentine's Day.

For example.....

Bag of cashews with a note that says "I'm NUTS about you"
Bags of tea with a note that says "I love you to eterni - TEA"
Gum - "I CHEW-se you"
Trail mix - "We're the perfect MIX"
Jelly Beans (J's favourite) - I've BEAN waiting for you my whole life

Well you get the idea. It took me awhile to think of these and I have them all done now. There are about 14 of them - one for every day he is home. I'm pretty proud of the results, even though I know J will just think I'm corny. (I believe I'm pretty clever.)

To accompany my little treat bags is a book with the letters A-Z. Written on each letter is a memory we have starting with that letter. For example A - Arizona, where we got married or B - Bomber Game, where we had our first date (unofficially).

I will also buy a traditional gift that will be from the girls. I have researched exactly what I want to get him, not I just have to find it. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and am hoping to leave right from there to Advance Electronics to get the gift. (My MIL is staying with the kiddos for me)

I've had a rough week which I had posted about, but decided to remove to try and keep positive. I aired my anger and now it's time to move on. In 4 days hopefully a lot of this stress will be waived by having J home for some extra help with the kids and help with the move.

I need to shout out to my SIL S and cousin A for offering to help with the kids. It will make things run so much smoother and I know already how much help this will be. Thank you thank you thank you!

17 days, but who's counting?!

2012-01-15T14:22:00.001-06:00

There are a lot of reasons I am excited for the 1st, and I have really started to count down. But what else is going on around here.....? Well, today we are having a quiet pj day. We have been out and about or had people over every day since my parents left! I was getting a little exhausted. We have our walk through scheduled for next week and next week is also my birthday. This year I feel a little disappointed by "my day". I usually get pretty excited about it but this year with Joel gone, my parents away, a new house to move into, etc. I just don't really feel like celebrating yet. My sister's birthday - well both of them- have their birthdays this month too. S turns 30 and although we normally don't exchange gifts this year I made a donation in her name. Ok, J already told me how lame that is, but I couldn't think of anything to get her and as I was going to get her lottery tickets, I thought of another place that could the money more, so she may feel ripped off, but there was thought behind it. J's birthday comes at the end of the month, but he will be too busy to even realize probably. I haven't thought of any great gift ideas and when I asked him he told me a shaving bag. Lame. So, I need to come up with something and fast, but what.......?!

Remebering

2012-01-13T11:23:00.000-06:00

Today I spent some time on a blog reading about birth from a father's perspective. It made me remember the second birthing class J and I took while I was pregnant with Bug. It made me cry as I read his thoughts, his hopes for her, how he felt, and his sense of panic/calm at different stages of the laboring process. He spoke kind words of his wife and how proud he was of her. He spoke about his fears not only for his little one, but for his wife too. Although the laboring process is fairly female dominated, it was neat reading what he had been through during it.

During the birthing again class lots of questions were asked about how we felt the first time, and how the dad felt the first time and I learned a lot about Joel during the class. I think he learned a lot about me too, and how I was really feeling during different parts of labor.

Lately I have spent so much time focusing on the girls, it is nice to reflect on other aspects of them. Plus it makes me fall even more in love with J.

We are 2.5 weeks away from getting the house and Peanut keeps saying "home". I think she is ready to have her own space again. She is a lot like her dad, liking her things a certain way.

I have made a few commitments for once we move, joining a gym with a friend that has a daycare in. I excited to join and wish it was closer now, but with an hour drive each way, I'll just wait until we move. The other is to enroll the kids in a few activities. Not that they are usually easy to do by myself, but I'd like to meet some new people from the "neighborhood". (of course that means all neighboring communities too) I'd like to get peanut back into swimming, but I'm not sure how that would work. I'd have to find someone who could watch Bug. I'd also like to get Peanut into gymnastics as she really enjoyed it when she took it in the city. It was mostly free play on the equipment, but at least she was active and she had fun. So for now, I just get to plan about all the things we need for the move...... let's hope I plan this alright......

My New Digs

2011-12-28T21:34:00.000-06:00

Here's some pictures of the new - unfinished - digs

The front

The back - walk out basement

Entertainment unit in living room

"island" in kitchen, counter faces dining room/living room

Full kitchen, "island" houses the sinks and dishwasher, other appliances on the right. Appliances get delivered possession day Feb. 1!

view from upper deck. Our back yard is on water and has a walking path down to a play structure

there is a door off the master bedroom to this covered deck section, I'm taking the picture from the dining room door

One bedroom, same carpet for the basement

Master bedroom walk in on the left, ensuite right

the girls bathroom

Basement with underlay, carpet was upstairs ready to be installed

Similarities

2011-12-17T08:57:00.000-06:00

My sister posted some fun pictures the other day which made me think of similarities. Here's a few from our family....

Joel on the left, a little older but Maddy has that same expression!

me as a little one

Maddy 5 months old

Mika 5 months old

But, if you want to see even more similarities.......

Final Plan?

2011-12-14T20:16:00.000-06:00

So there are more changes in the plan, but this time I think for the better! J and I have decided to move out of town. Not far, a simple 20 minute drive, but we are pretty set on this plan. There are many reasons to support our decision, but I won't go into that on here. We are waiting for an assessment from Revenue Canada and Joel to be home to make it all official, but I'm feeling really good about this. Every time I picture us there, I smile so I feel this is a good move for us.

So why am I still impatient with my kids and stressed out?! I can't seem to get my grove back this run. I am feeling a little crowded with no "me" time (we are staying with my parents remember) and although I have ventured out, it always feels like I should either be including them or that I am bothering someone else (I usually escape to another family members palce for a couple of days). Peanut and I have had many good days of play including spooning with beans/rice (thanks Auntie S!), markers to make J crafts/pictures for Christmas, bath swims, trips to walmart, cuddles on the couch and in bed, and yet I still feel myself getting annoyed with her when she starts demanding my attention. I feel like I should be giving more to her, I just don't have the energy to do it and it's getting hard. Since J left the kids have been on opposite schedules and so it means I am always catering to one of them.

Bug has been getting up multiple times in the night and with Peanut awake for the morning at 5:30am and still up once a night (usually needing a full change of clothes), I'm just worn out and tired. Bug has started solids and had a little reaction to oat cereal. The first couple of times it was just a change in mood and a few arches of her back, but last time it included a red rash on her face. I was just talking with my sister about this, and I was thinking it was cereal in general, but after keeping her just on rice for 3 days I noticed she went back to herself) So I think we'll avoid that one and see how she does on everything else. The solids haven't help her sleep like some have suggested, I'm thinking she may just be growing or having a hard time adjusting from one place to another. Hopefully once we have this home to ourselves we can spend some time working on routine and give her some stability. (I think she might be wanting more predictability in life)

So I have been feeling off for awhile now, but hope having my hubby home for the 2 week stretch will be like hitting the "reset".

FAQ

2011-11-30T14:47:00.000-06:00

So I keep getting these frequently asked questions, and I figured I'd just answer it all here....

You sold your house? I didn't know it was for sale.

Yes. We sold our house. No, it wasn't really up for sale. What? Well, J and I were planning to list the house in the spring on com free. We did have 2 Realtors come in and assess the house, but I didn't like what they had to say. So I asked J if I could put it on kijiji, just to see what would happen.

Well the first time I listed we had a lot of Realtors emailing about listing it for us, but I ignored them, and re posted it, and re posted it, and re posted it every few days. We had some people email questions and set up viewings (that ended in no shows). Then we received an email from a woman who asked if she could come that day to see it. I figured, why not?! So although I didn't clean the house, stage it, or really do anything to prepare for their visit, I did allow them to come by. It was a couple and 2 kids. About 5 days later they made a verbal offer to us. After a little bit of negotiation, we settled on a price and possession date.

So what were you planning?

Well originally we had thought we would rent a home in Bissett, however the people couldn't get it finished in time, and Joel's company refused to pay live out. So we thought maybe we would rent an apartment, but then we were offered a place to stay at my moms. This would save us 4 months rent, and allow them to leave their dog here while in Mexico. So the month of December is a little crowded, but come January we'll have the place to ourselves, and will rent an apartment for April.

What's going on with J?

Well, he has quit his job in Bissett to take another opportunity. He will fly in and out of Winnipeg to Red Lake, Ontario. It's a mining town and although he could drive to it, it really doesn't make sense because of the distance. He will still be on a 4 week work schedule, with 2 weeks off. It is still being an underground electrician, but it is a shaft electrician. He does his first run starting Sunday.

Are you okay with that?

Yes. J is my partner, and would never take an opportunity without first discussing it with me. Ultimately though, he needs to be happy with work. He is a planner in his own way, and would never risk his family's security. He is taking this new job to increase his experience in the mining field, but also because it is a 4 year contract and will provide more stability and security.

How do you do it with 2 little ones and a hubby who is not home?

I think I have the better deal out of our family. J is our sole provider and that is a huge responsibility. Now that's not to say I could never get a job, but he is doing what he does so that I can stay home with the girls. He selflessly works this schedule so we are financially secure, and so that his girls grow up having their mom full time. Although I know he misses his girls (all of us), he is doing what he feels is best for his family. It works for us in many ways, and he wouldn't do it if it didn't.

Where will you live and what's your plan?

We plan to rent an apartment in April (the ones in Sage Creek that are month to month) while we wait for the home we are building in Sage Creek to be complete. We have selected a builder and a lot, and just need to sign the paperwork which will likely happen at Christmas time while J is home.

So here is the FAQ answers, but if you have more, just let me know. :)

Life as I know it.....

2011-11-25T10:43:00.000-06:00

Life these days has been.... stressful. This move hasn't been easy for me, and for someone who prides themselves on being organized, I have been far from it during this move. Actually I down right sucked at this.

So what's going on these days? Well I've moved into my parents with the girls. We are all here for the month of December, btu then we will have the place to ourselves from January - April. J's company declared a shut down to show profits for the year, so he has applied and been accepted in the same field but a different location. He will fly right out of Winnipeg on a charter flight. The job is a more lucrative area which for his career he is really excited about. He has really thought a lot about this and I'm happy to see him finding his way and proving himself. He gets excited talking about it, and that is really nice to see. He likes learning new things to provide a backup plan in case the industry changed. Talking to him in person these last couple of days has been wonderful. We have had a lot of miscommunication lately due to stress on both parts and this was just what we needed to get back on the same page. J will jump into the new career quickly, likely before Christmas, but I am on board 100%. Depending how this works out will depend on when the girls and I go to visit our family in Riverton. Joel would like to come with us to spend some time with his newphew (and S&J), but with the change we're not exactly sure if that will work. We have also been house hunting and found something we really like. We are going back tonight to relook at it, compare it to a build, and have other opinions weigh in. I have a few boxes to finish up today and then we have a cleaner coming over the weekend to get the house ready for the Dec. 1 possession. So all in all, I am feeling much better now that my hubby is home. I miss him when he's gone and I think more clearly after talking and spending time with him!

For those who are trying to keep up

2011-11-21T14:43:00.001-06:00

So plans changed yet again. ..... For those of you who are trying to keep up, here's the latest.

I have been house hunting for a finished show home or newer home that i can see our family in and have found two. I dragged the troops out with me yesterday in a whirlwind of viewings. It was a long day and we saw so many but i narrowed it down to two possibilities.

J comes home Wednesday night to move us into my moms and into storage. We will sign the paperwork in the morning on Thursday then view the homes. If he likes them we will make an offer for Dec 15 possession when he's home for Christmas. If he doesn't we will head over to the apartments in sage creek and rent something for Dec 15. Then when he's home in Dec do one more viewing of homes on the market and if we still don't find anything sign the paperwork to build. Very crazy very busy but something will work out within all of our plans.

Fingers crossed

What's a plan?

2011-11-18T10:49:00.001-06:00

So after about 30 different plans, I think we finally have one.... We're renting an apartment. Where? Sage Creek. When? Im not sure. Until? Im not sure. So you see details are still slim but we're getting there..... This adventure sure is just that, a crazy adventure!

Good luck

2011-11-15T14:01:00.001-06:00

Bug has her shots today and i wish her luck!

Believe

2011-10-23T21:12:00.000-05:00

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” Author Unknown

With J's time coming to a close, his spirit to find us a place is really lost. He started the journey so positive that he could find something and that something would work out. Yesterday he was frustrated, but today he had lost all hope.

I feel for him, he so badly wants us to be out there with him, and we want to be there too, but finding a place to rent in a small community can be hard. We have many advantages that help, but we are also a family of 4 with 2 small kids. Not everyone is pumped about opening up their homes to us. I understand. Kids spill things, they break things, they are kids. A few of the houses would be for sale while we rented them so I understand their reservations. I am a fairly clean person, but people there do not know me. I'm sure they hear "mother of a 19 month old and 4 month old" and worry that our house may be chaotic. I've seen people without kids that live in more of a mess than we do, but people don't understand that isn't me.

I tried to cheer J up tonight, but it seemed near impossible. I told him if it didn't work for November/December, it might for the spring. I think he really had his hopes set on having a plan before coming home and the unknown is hard. He knows we are relying on him, and the pressure of that can't be easy. I have a plan though, we will pack one pod to storage and a smaller one that can easily be moved up there once we find a place. They can deliver it and it will include all the things we are living with now - minimal but functional.

He will be home soon and then he will feel better. He will wake up to Bug and Peanut's smiles and the world will be right again and his hope will be restored. I just wish we could help him see that something will work out, we just don't know when yet.

We jumped in.....

2011-10-20T17:13:00.000-05:00

So our house has been conditionally sold and a deadline of Nov.15 has been set for the sale of their home & financing. They were pre-approved so we are basically just waiting on their home to have a clean offer.

That being said we also put a hold on a lot to build our home! We will write the conditional offer when J is home next week. I'm excited, relieved and stressed, but still feel good and positive about the whole thing.

J is going to look for a place to rent where he works as he plans on picking up some extra weeks. Should know in a few days if that option would work, but so far it isn't looking good. As you can imagine there isn't a huge demand for places up there.

I think being out there would be fun.... yes I won't know anyone, yes it is a small town, yes it will mean not seeing my friends/family as much, yes it will mean living with minimal everything BUT it will mean seeing J every night, it will mean a bigger down payment on the house, and it will mean the kids & I will learn to do a lot of different things for fun! I think it could really be a good experience for all of us. I know J is trying hard to figure it out because he will get pretty down if he can't see us as much.

If nothing else, we can pay the $150 per night for the hotel up there. J says it is a dive and I'm a little leery to bring 2 kids there if J says it's a dump because let's be honest, J's standards and my standards are 2 totally different things!

Of course we always have the plan of staying with S & J who have kindly opened their home up to us for the month. It would be nice to spend that time with G and S, J works so although we will see him, not nearly the same as we will see the other 2.

Life has been hectically busy, between packing, visiting friends/family, doing things with the kids, and trying to get everything organized for donations, it seems for every one thing I cross off the "to do" list, I add 3! But J's parents did this, actually his mom because of a similar situation with M being away during a couple of their moves so I know it can get done. Wishing I had more time, but I know once J is home things will go a lot quicker.

That's all I've got for now, so here it is.

A little sad....

2011-10-15T09:07:00.000-05:00

So I have been reflecting on the wonderful things this home has brought me.... besides the obvious of shelter and warmth, this is the first home we owned after barely living together, where J proposed to me, where we came home as husband and wife from a trip to AZ, it is where we shared our wedding story with many friends and family. This is where we had 2 positive home pregnancy tests, it is where I was able to share those test results with J in a fun way, it was where our daughters were brought home to from the hospital. I spent hours in our fireplace room planning our wedding, dreaming of a baby and finally a second baby. This makes me a little sad to think that although those things will always be a memory, but no longer in our everyday life. This house has been good to us and I love all the wonderful things that have happened to us here. I hope it brings as much happiness to J & M as it has to us!

Sunday!

2011-10-14T22:13:00.000-05:00

I can't wait for Sunday night, I get to share my bed with a wonderful handsome man ~ Come on Sunday!!

Slowly Going Crazy

2011-10-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

J is out to kill me, I'm sure of it!

Ok not in a literal way, but more in a he drives me crazy way. This time he has said one thing and then completely changed his mind and tells me he never thought that way in the first place! This time it was about the show home idea.... we had talked about purchasing it, but he hated the pillar and couldn't get passed that. Now he says he wants to revisit the home without the kids because "the pillar wasn't that bad"! AHHHH!

Life here has been good, we have a clean house which makes me happy. A clean house is a stress free house. It's pretty much the key to my heart which is why J working so much has it's bonuses. :)

Peanut is still getting up 2 times a night - midnight and 3am, almost like clock work so I know it is more routine than anything. Once J is home we will work on staying away one night and coming home to hopefully a new routine. (however I have said that before and just never followed through so we'll see)

Bug still is sleeping through the night - she is opposite Peanut - Peanut I could count on one hand how many times she slept through the night and Bug I can count on one hand how many times she hasn't slept through. Bug is still chewing away and is a drool factory, but I still give her tons of kisses. She rolled over yesterday from back to tummy, but has yet to repeat it. She "sings" every night and I just love listening to her.

Peanut is learning more and more everyday, especially in terms of vocabulary. "hug" is the latest to enter into everyday conversation as well as pretty much any word at the end of a sentence. "M, please pick up your cup", M: "cup", etc. She has become such a good eater and has passed her fussy stage. Texture is still somewhat important, but not like earlier this year. Color has also been an obstacle we have conquered. She loves to dip turkey (or anything really) in ranch sauce, however once it touches her hands we can not continue eating until her hands have been wiped clean.

This week coming up is a busy one, I have dates from Saturday - Tuesday already scheduled which means it will be a good week. One is a showing and the other ones are just fun days with friends (& sisters!). For now, I'm off to tidy the linen closet. Oh one last thing.......

Happy Birthday Jay! (for tomorrow)

Another Day, Another Showing.....

2011-10-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

So after 2 showings yesterday, one promising and one on the fence, we have another one tonight. This time it is a couple with a son. They have sold their house to a builder and are looking to stay in the same general area. They started looking at houses $40k-50k less than ours and are now approaching our price range. I know she is serious about it, but her husband may have another idea. His 2 requirements were that the price was low and that it had a double garage (which ours doesn't, our garage is only a single). That being said we'll see what happens. I still believe our most serious buyer was the second showing we had last night. There were 5 people that came to inspect the house and provide insight. Hopefully they will see our houses potential and get passed that there may be a few cracks and that it is not perfect. (come on, you are looking at a 50 year old house)

So far still waiting, but I hope to hear soon.....

Okay here's the deal....

2011-10-12T14:03:00.000-05:00

Ok so instead of answering every one's question one by one, I figured it was time to "put it out there". J and I have listed our house and have been negotiating back and forth with one couple. I had some more interest in our home last night and showed it this afternoon during a lunch hour.

I have given the couple a deadline of Monday to make a solid offer with deposit through a lawyer to have a Dec. 1 possession. Now that being said we could easily make Dec. 1 work if they didn't have things they wanted complete in their offer. They don't want to take over our claim with the city, so it means we would need to fix the ceiling and walls from when the sidewalk and street were replaced this summer. It's not a big job, but it would mean finding someone to do it. We have to book a storage unit for our stuff and oh yeah, the big one, find somewhere to live!

We have been lucky, we were offered a place for December (thanks S & J) and a place for Jan - March (thanks mom & dad! - they'll be in Mexico for that time) then we could easily rent in Bissett until..... our build would be complete.

That's right J and I are seriously thinking about building, however until our house is sold, we are sitting in a holding pattern. We do not want to commit to something until all our loose ends are tied up. I know that is not the traditional way of looking for houses, but that is something the bank has recommended and I understand why.

So this evening the couple is taking one more look and then hopefully we will have an answer soon.....

Monday, Bloody Monday

2011-10-11T10:49:00.000-05:00

I am sitting on pins and needles waiting for Monday. In the mean time, I am making a visit tonight with my parents and in laws then tomorrow we have the couple coming for a final visit, then more waiting. But in the end at least I will know what's going on and can go from there...... But come on Monday....

I spoke too soon....

2011-10-10T08:37:00.000-05:00

I hate the art of negotiation and J is even worse than I am at it. I have taken classes on the subject, flown to Toronto for a conference that focused on it, and was even evaluated for a case study based on my skills. Yet somehow no matter how much "knowledge" I have about it, I lack confidence. I go into negotiation scared. I don't mind a confrontation, but would prefer to please everyone, so often I will "give in". But today that stops..... Today I'm playing "hard ball". I'm going back and telling them - shit or get off the pot. If they want to work with such tight deadlines, then I need an answer. Or at the very least a non-refundable deposit so we are not out any money for this. I need to make arrangements and with J home in a mere 2 weeks it means I need to start making them now. So wish me luck as this afternoon I need to step up and set deadlines.

The news is in.....

2011-10-09T11:12:00.000-05:00

Final details to be discussed once we have met the lawyers and signed the paperwork......

just wanted to thank my sister (in law) and her hubby for opening up their home to us yesterday & beyond. I really am lucky in this situation to have family who welcomes me with open arms! you guys are generous and kind and we thank you tremendously!

Impatiently waiting

2011-10-07T10:37:00.000-05:00

I hate waiting.... so to kill time let me tell you something.... I have an amazing best friend! He is kind, honest, funny, smart, good looking, and I am a better person because I am with him. He is selfless, empathetic, down to earth and realistic. He builds me up, keeps me real, sets goals, and thrives for perfection. He is the best dad I know to 2 beautiful little girls, and he keeps me smiling everyday. I can be myself when I am with him and I love him with all of my heart.

This time of year always makes me think of our engagement. It actually happened in November, but something about the fall colors always makes me think back to that day 3 years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting in our fireplace room when he got down on one knee.....

So today to try and focus on something other than waiting to hear, I will focus on my wonderful best friend and husband, J.

surprises!

2011-10-05T20:06:00.002-05:00

Life is full of surprises! I'll leave it at that for now, but more details soon to come.......

What a face!

2011-10-04T08:25:00.001-05:00

One down three to go!

It's going.....

2011-10-01T09:50:00.000-05:00

Well! Its getting easier and she's starting to get it. Her morning has been consistent for days now, its the afternoon & evening that gets alittle mucked up. Short naps, often. Usually in the stroller cause I take Peanut to the park or for a walk everyday. All in all, I feel good about the progress, and know this was the right step for us.

My parents also return from their eastern getaway today. I'm looking forward to seeing them. They were gone 2 weeks, and in January they will be gone 3 months! They will miss my birthday, J's birthday and Peanut's birthday! It makes me sad, but I'm glad they are going to enjoy some nice warm weather.

J and I are really excited about the possibility of a new house. He plays it cool to other people, but then spends his nights telling me of what he was thinking for landscaping, or the basement, or ......! it makes me happy that we are both working so hard to make this a reality. We will put the house up for sale in spring. i am meeting with the new house salesman to discuss time lines and deposits tomorrow.

I am spending the afternoon with my in laws then joining them for dinner. Peanut will be exhausted when we get home as she always is after playing with grams. She follows B around like a shadow and learns LOTS of new skills from her. (I never taught Peanut stairs, or getting off furniture, or the "I hear thunder" song, just to name a few) Peanut is starting to tell me more that she needs to use the washroom, but still hates sitting on the potty..... not sure I'm ready to tackle that yet......

In my free time, I've gotten addicted to pinterest.com. (like I needed another thing) I spent a lot of time the other night reading quotes, getting home organization ideas, kids activities, and the list goes on!

Well that's life here for the week, onto the next!

The battle has just begun.....

2011-09-29T11:44:00.001-05:00

That's right. Im in battle. With a sweet stubborn beautiful little girl and I want to wave my white flag and give up. But then I remember parenting isn't about what's easier for the "now" but about what's right in the end. And in this case what's right is for bug to learn to fall asleep by herself.

She is a great sleeper that I really can't complain but i also can't spend 2 hours a night getting her to sleep. For one that's really my only me time. And really that's not practical in my life. So the battle has been drawn. We are working on it. Its hard. Its frustrating. It tough on me tough on her and tough on peanut. But i feel its right and will be worth the battle in the end.......

Birthday Dinner

2011-09-28T10:49:00.000-05:00

My parents get back on my mom's birthday, but not until late so Sunday I am bringing over dinner. They have been eating out a lot so I thought I'd theme her dinner and make things based on that. (I have also done this for my father in laws birthday when I did a Russian themed dinner) My menu includes 7 layer dip for an appie, Stacked Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas (http://www.perrysplate.com/2011/03/stacked-roasted-vegetable-enchiladas.html) for the main course, and my dear friend Dawn (Sunrise Mosaics) is making us red velvet Mexican themed cupcakes! My parents head off to PV for 3 months starting January so it's a tribute to their next vacation!

Another go around ~

2011-09-27T15:21:00.000-05:00

Another sad day today, but I am really starting to get used to this routine. Funny how it never is as hard as I think it will be. (or as hard as other people think it is on me) I do want to add some clarity to the situation though, just for all the people who have ever questioned....

J and I love each other very much. He selfless does what he does so 1.) I can stay at home with Peanut & Bug 2.) We can afford the things we need and those that we want
J actually really likes what he does and the guys he works with and for, he wouldn't do it otherwise
I can't imagine ever cheating on J or J cheating on me so no I don't worry about it
If I ever asked, he would stop doing what he does and come back to work in the city. Simple.
If we ever feel we are drifting apart, he will come back
We talk every day and he skypes with us at least twice a week.
Peanut ALWAYS recognizes him - every. single. time.

Anyways, I just wanted people to hear it from me instead of questioning it either behind my back or to other members of my family. I am happy. J is happy. Yes we miss each other, but we also like it too. It adds to our emotional relationship. It keeps us communicating. It adds excitement when we do see each other. We are able to do things we wouldn't be able to do otherwise.

I think sometimes people forget I have an extremely supportive family on both sides. I was lucky enough to marry into great in laws who treat me like their own, a sister who is also on mat leave and makes the drive into the city once a month so the cousins can see each other and we can spend the day talking, asking each other advice, and generally enjoying each other's company. My parents are lucky enough to have retired (or mostly in the case of my pops) and so I can visit with them any day, any time. Both sets of parents welcome me and the kids into their homes. I see both sets a minimum of once a week, but usually more. They help me go shopping, babysit whenever I need, feed me dinner and keep me company on lonely days. I honestly am really grateful for them.

So whenever you think my situation is tough or unfair or judge the way we live, remember that it honestly isn't that bad. There are a lot of positives about my situation. I just felt like it was time to add some clarity......

I love this one too!

2011-09-24T19:29:00.001-05:00

Another girl to steal my heart <3

I love this girl

2011-09-24T10:16:00.001-05:00

In her dad's outfit from when he was a kid

Feeling better

2011-09-22T18:42:00.001-05:00

So to relieve my stress and make us feel better about the big move, we're going to increase our mortgage payments to what they will be with the new taxes included starting next month. This gives us a good way to test the waters before jumping in with both feet. I am feeling good about this. We also have set a down payment goal.

Can't Sleep

2011-09-22T04:38:00.000-05:00

Peanut woke up about an hour ago because she was wet - actually she had leaked. Oh those are always fun nights of changing in the dark. I changed her and just put a blanket over top of her wet sheets that I will change in the morning. She went right back to sleep, but I couldn't. I tossed and turned for 1/2 an hour and then decided I might as well get up. Actually I think it is because I have a lot on mind.

Today we went to revisit the home we are seriously considering building. I keep replaying the pros and cons of moving. The con list is short..... just one on there...... but it's a big one. Expense! Not just the expense of the house and lot, but of the other things that will go along with moving. Our furniture will not fit in the living room, so new living room furniture. The master bedroom is huge which means I would like to add a chair to it. We have a flat screen for our TV, but would need a wall mount. We would need to hire movers. It's a new home, so it wouldn't come with things like a hose outside. And the list goes on. Of course there are things I can add to the mortgage like landscaping, appliances and drapes, but it's all the other things that I'm starting to wonder about. Will this actually be possible for the summer of 2012 like we were hoping?! Will we be able to sell our house for enough that we'll walk away with some cash for these expenses besides what we have for savings?! I guess only time will tell...... for now, the planner in me has kicked in and I'm just left wondering.......

Adventures and Shopping

2011-09-20T18:59:00.000-05:00

We ventured out to Grand Forks this weekend for some shopping and relaxing. J really wanted to take Peanut camping this year for Father's Day, but I was VERY pregnant and he was worried about getting Peanut somewhere and to the hospital if it happened while he was away. (turns out he could have gone since he missed it anyways) So to make up for it we headed down to Grand Forks for Sunday and Monday with our friends Chris, Sarah and their 2 little guys. R is a year older than peanut, but they play extremely well together. It's actually really cute to watch. Besides the exchanging of kisses and a couple of meltdowns (from both kids), they shared toys, played in the pools, and hung out with their dads pretty much the whole weekend. Sarah and I took B and Bug shopping with us, and got a lot accomplished. We even managed a sit down lunch with both little ones. I am finished my Christmas shopping for all children in our lives leaving just my parents and in laws. Considering it is only September, I am super happy!

Last weekend we ventured out to the parade of homes. We have been talking for awhile now about a new house. We have now been preapproved from the bank (conditional on the sale of our house), met with 2 different Realtors about selling our place, and found a couple of floor plans we both like. I like different areas of the city than J, so we will see who wins that battle. We hope to make it out to the parade again before J heads back. There was one home in particular I would like to visit again as I really think the floor plan is functional. It is missing the formal dining room however has enough room in the kitchen for a dining room table. It didn't meet J's requirement of an open ceiling to the 2nd story, however it did have 13ft ceilings on the main floor so it still left open and big. (without having the windows to clean and drape) It was the smallest house we have seen, but with every room being functional, I believe it is actually bigger. (most other houses were approx. 300 sq ft bigger, but included a formal dining room and/or study) Plus with me being the one who cleans it, I'm perfectly happy with it being slightly smaller. :) J wants me to revisit one from the spring parade as he really liked that floor plan.

I have really enjoyed this last week and am excited to still have another week to go!

Yum!

2011-09-13T11:42:00.000-05:00

DRESSING
1/3 cup tahini (sesame paste)
Zest and juice from a lime (about 2 tablespoons juice)
1/2 teaspoon cumin (key ingredient, try not to skip)
1 or more chipotle chiles from a can of 'chipotle peppers in adobo sauce' (because I like it spicy, I use about 5 chilies)

BEAN & VEGETABLE MIXTURE
2 15-ounce cans of beans, rinsed well and drained
1 or more good summer tomatoes, chopped
2 large bell pepper, chopped
1/3 cup chopped red onion
1 cup chopped cilantro

mix all together and enjoy!

Challenge

2011-09-01T14:37:00.000-05:00

Secretly (or not so secretly now), I'd like to be a vegan. Something about the challenge and discipline of it really interests me. Plus the more and more I think about it, the more it seems like the right decision for me. (no judgement here, just a statement) I wonder if I could for 30 days? I think after the weekend, I might need to try.......

My smiles today <3

2011-08-31T20:27:00.001-05:00

I love watching siblings together!

I'll admit, I cried.....

2011-08-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

I have never been "connected" to breastfeeding. It was something I wanted to do for the benefits to my girls, but I was never "into" it. I read an article today about extended breastfeeding. (breastfeeding past the first year) I never and I mean NEVER even considered this with Peanut or Bug. I had a lot of the same feelings as the mom who wrote the article ~ "If they can ask for it, they're too old."

However as I read her story and how her thoughts and opinions changed, I cried. She talked about the special bond it created, the love your child has for you while they look up and nurse. She talked about how it was a different relationship with the second child, less time to bond, and more of a duty. But still she tried to make it special, make it that child's mommy time. Special cuddles just for them.

She then talked about how her 3rd child (18 months) is currently still nursing, but that she thinks it might be coming to an end. And how she mourned the end of that relationship. How this was her last baby and this was the last "baby" thing her little one would do. It made me think about my own family. How many times have I spent puttering on my phone or watched TV, or had my attention anywhere but on my precious child at the time. How many times did I truly take the time to appreciate those little coos and noises they each made while they fed?

Although I am not sure Bug will be our last child, she might be. This breaks my heart in a lot of ways. I never really put it together that this might be my last baby. That when Bug weans from breastfeeding, it could be the last time I ever experience that with a child. Did I while pregnant, wishing for the last month to be over, ever really think that this would be the last kick I felt?

I know how fast the last 18 months have gone by with Peanut, how much she has changed, learned, grown, and developed physically, mentally and emotionally. She really is her own little person with feelings, opinions and her own personality. Am I really taking the time each day to appreciate Bug, as she develops from my little baby into her own person? It's time to go cuddle with my little one before she gets too old to want to, but for all the mommys and mommy-to-bes out there that read this, ask yourself - Are you really appreciating the present?

My Love List.....

2011-08-23T08:40:00.000-05:00

After a talk with a friend (a much older and wiser friend), I have been really grateful these days and here are a few reasons why.......

I have 2 beautiful healthy girls that make me laugh everyday
I have a selfless husband who works hard for his family, is a great provider, a loyal partner, honest, smart, funny, sexy, and truly my best friend
I have a family who helps me in so many ways; inviting me for dinner, watching the girls, lending me vehicles, coming with me on errands, fixing things around the house, driving a distance for a lunch visit, etc. They probably don't know how much I appreciate them, but I do!
I have a home with a yard that keeps me warm in the winter and cool in the summer, it keeps me dry and safe and although I don't love everything about my home, it is more than a lot of people have
I have friends that I have been friends with all my life (Ms. Perrier), friends since grade 1 (Mrs. K and Mrs. S), and friends I have met along the way to where I am now. They also probably don't know how much I love them
J and I are able to do a lot for our kids including enrolling them into activities and creating activities at home like edible paint and play dough

J and I have set a few goals for the next year and I'm excited to see how they play out. We couldn't be happier or luckier to have found each other and start a new family together, thanks monkey for everything!

As for my friend who inspired this post ~ R, you are one of a kind. Your stories not only amuse me, but help me appreciate everything I have and everything I've been given. I miss our baseball games together, but will always hold those memories close.

Date Night

2011-08-06T13:45:00.000-05:00

Last night Mika went for a sleep over with grams and grumpa. Although she had a bad night, Joel and I had a wonderful one. We walked up to Safeway and rented a movie, came home and just relaxed for awhile. We watched the movie Dilemma then went to bed. 7 hours later I woke up to feed Maddy Cakes, and went back to bed for another few hours. This morning I woke up and did a little yoga while Maddy played under her mat. We went to return the movie and headed to pick up Mika. Both Barb and I needed a few things from the grocery store so we walked up together to Extra Foods. Mika is now down for a nap and Maddy and I are headed out to get J and Grumpa some beer. They are building the deck this morning and we will be having a BBQ on it this evening. Life is good ~

Got me thinking....

2011-08-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

Recently I found out a (distant) friend has cancer. She is 27 years old. She has a 2 year old daughter. This terrifies me.

Her treatment is very aggressive. And through all of this, she is the most positive person explaining that she could be way worse. I've been thinking about it all night and I just can't shake it. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family ~

Vegetarian

2011-08-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

I'm back to eating vegetarian again and have been for a couple of weeks. I do this for a few reasons, but mostly because I just feel like I have more energy when I am not eating meat. Lately the thought of eating something with eyes has made me want to throw up, so it's an easy transition for me. I don't drink milk, however I still eat things that contain milk, eggs and cheese. (therefore I'm not vegan) So far it's been easy, although while J is home it means making 2 meals. One meat heavy and one for me which I don't mind as long as he does the dishes. :)

So after the comment I faced the other day I have really started to think about my goals and how I want to achieve them. I have already started to make some small changes, but ones I know will make a big difference. For example... I am not drinking pop anymore. (exception was last night when I had a Slurpee while out for dinner with the Funks) Last time I stopped drinking pop was for a "biggest loser" competition at work. I was 0.2lbs from winning and lost to the only man in the competition, so I was super proud of myself. I've also joined a stroller fitness and boot camp that will be 3 days a week. It is only for 4 weeks, but a good intro to see if I want to join the fall session. I like the idea of it since both my kids can come and I don't need to try and find a sitter.

J is working on the yard today - I took the liberty of ordering the dirt this morning so he had to work. So today will be a peaceful day at my moms with the girls.

Keep your mouth shut!

2011-07-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever asked a woman if she was pregnant only to find out she wasn't expecting?! Can you say awkward! Well unfortunately I was on the receiving end of that last night.... someone asked me when I was due. I almost died of embarrassment, for me and for them. However to make matters worse was they didn't even apologize or seem to feel bad which only added to my humiliation. (like they were justified in asking) So now I am feeling sorry for myself and quite grumpy. I am just putting this out there, but unless a woman is in the hospital with a baby between her legs, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut?!

I have to laugh.....

2011-07-29T15:09:00.000-05:00

2 things brightened my day today....

Joel has started to teach Mika to use the potty. Not really potty training, because she is still in a diaper all day, but if we notice the signs or she tells us she has to go, then we will put her on her potty and encourage her to use it. He has had more success than I have with 2 successes today.

Today she told him she had to go and he put her on her potty. He sat on the toilet like she requested. If you know Mika, you know she is a little OCD. Everything has it's place and things belong where they belong. (she is her mother's daughter!) While she sat on the potty she noticed the bath mat's corner had flipped so she got up to fix it. (clearly a priority over needing to pee) While she did this however, she peed all over the floor! We would have had another successful attempt if it wasn't for that corner.... oh well!

Day 3:
J: "Honey, I don't know how you do it everyday. I'm exhausted!"
Me: "Baby, you don't even have it that bad. You haven't had to go grocery shopping or get anything with both of them plus you aren't the one feeding Maddy in between playing with Mika."

This makes me laugh for a lot of reasons, but mostly because this was said on day 3. (I do this 28 days in a row.) I think he is starting to understand why I look forward to those 2 weeks when he is home so much!

He's home!

2011-07-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

J is home and we had a great night! He surprised me by coming home in the afternoon, only to find out I wasn't here! Oops! Oh well, we came home while he showered and he spent the night with his girls. I was even able to go out grocery shopping alone.... like completely alone! After shopping, I came home and made supper for us and peanut while J gave baths. We had a great night, with peanut only waking once around 11pm, then once at 5:15, but going back to sleep until.... get this.... 8:15am!!! Bug went to bed around 11:15pm, slept until 5:15, ate, and went back to bed until 10am. Great night!! I already feel rested and it's only been one day!

J is busy this morning working on landscaping the backyard. Our yard sloped towards the house so J wanted to correct it before we put it up for sale. He will build a deck next, but for now he is busy hauling dirt. I'm excited for this all to be finished as we will be one step closer to not having any more projects!

I'm off to relax while my girls sleep!

Motivation

2011-07-20T12:13:00.000-05:00

So in the heat I often lose motivation.... for really everything. For taking Mika outside or to the park, for cooking, for cleaning, etc. How do you stay motivated in the heat?

One week + 1 day

2011-07-18T06:24:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's it! 1 week plus a day and monkey will be home! I couldn't be more excited to see him and for him to see his girls. He has big plans for his time at home including camping in our backyard with peanut, taking peanut swimming and to gymnastics and landscaping the backyard, but we'll see what actually gets done. He's hoping to have an extra week off so he would be home for 3 weeks.

Otherwise life on our end is good. Full of eating, sleeping, swimming, changing diapers, baths and playing downstairs.

Just a short update....

A day in the life.....

2011-07-06T13:32:00.000-05:00

Well it has been just 5 days since Joel returned to work. It was like judgement day for me. I was fearing the worst. Worrying myself on how I would possibly manage 2 children, a house, getting to and from anywhere, etc. But I am happy to say things are (knock on wood here) going extremely well! Mika has been sleeping better at night, waking only 2-3 times. (For many this would seem outrageous, but at this point in the game it is a HUGE victory for us) Maddy is also waking 2-3 times, eats and goes right back to bed (in her crib in her own room) which is wonderful. Since I am so used to getting up multiple times throughout the night this hasn't been an adjustment, it just feels like it did before.

Maddy has changed a lot already, being up for greater periods of time and being more alert. We have a midwife appointment on Thursday to check her weight, but on Saturday (at birth) she was 8lbs. 1oz, the next day she was 7lbs. 14 oz., Tuesday she was down to 7lbs. 13 oz., and by Thursday she was..... 8lbs 8oz! What a little piggy. She was cluster feeding in the evening but she has stopped that. She is feeding more often, but she is not glued to me like she was for the first week. Breastfeeding is going extremely well. With only one nurse trying to "correct" my technique (I humored her, but went back to doing it my way as soon as she left the room), Maddy has learned to feed from me.

Joel's parents took Mika the Saturday after Joel left which allowed me to get many errands done. I had some grocery shopping to do, I wanted to look for a sling, get stamps to mail Maddy's birth certificate papers, etc. I got everything I could done and headed home for a nap. I woke later than I wanted to, but then headed to Martin and Barb's for dinner. We spent that night at home then woke up and headed to Lilac. I packed to stay a few days as I figured it was easier to bring clean clothes home then need clothes. Although the night went better then I expected, by the end of it, we were all sleeping in the bed together! We enjoyed the day out there, went into Steinbach for lunch and then decided to head home. Which actually ended up being to my mom's since they came in too and she invited us for dinner. I skyped with Joel from my parents and showed him his 2 girls. Mika was all about giving daddy kisses and waving to him. We got home and I wondered if the night away or seeing daddy would completely ruin our nighttime routine. Turns out it didn't, my girls slept well!

We had a quiet day yesterday where I spent most of the day playing and cuddling Mika while Maddy slept, then cuddling Maddy while Mika slept. I got a few things done around the house and set up a little pool for Mika for today.

We have made it outside once already and I hope to get Mika out once more after her nap. I can't wait to have a deck where Mika can play instead of the mud pit that is our backyard. I don't mind her getting dirty, but I swept and mopped today so keeping the floor clean for at least a day would be great! Maddy was sleeping so I just set up the monitor as it is too warm for her anyways.

So life is going well, I have managed to shower everyday, keep the house clean, do the laundry and even eat supper! I think this is really going to work. Now to go feed bug before peanut wakes up.......

Welcome Maddison Alexandra Hayward

2011-06-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

On Saturday June 25 2011 we welcomed our second beautiful girl into the world! She was born at 11:41am and weighed 8lbs 1oz. She was 20.5 inches long. Here is her birth story.....

At 4:30am Mika woke up and was up for the morning so we headed downstairs, shared cuddles on the couch, played a bit all while I had minor contractions. I had braxton hicks for weeks so this was nothing new. I figured by nap time they would be gone and Mika and I would continue our day.

At 5:53am I texted Joel our good morning message and told him I was having a lot of contractions, but that nothing had changed yet, so to keep working. He messaged back that he would work on the surface for as long as he could so I could reach him.

At 6:51am I put Mika down for a nap. I texted him that I was still having contractions and that I was going for a bath. I was pretty sure at this point "today would be the day", but to keep working until he heard from me. I told him if I still had contractions in an hour I might call the midwife to let her know I was in early labour.

After my bath, I went into our room and took a nap. I was woken up by contractions, but enjoyed at least some time with my eyes shut.

8:20am I messaged him contractions were still happening, and that I wasn't sure what to tell him to do. They weren't getting worse in my opinion. Mika woke up and I gave her a bath. I decided I needed help watching her so I would go to my moms.

At 8:30am, Joel messaged that he had to go underground, but that he would come up as often as he could to check his phone.

At 9:44am I messaged him that today would be the day and he should pack up at lunch.

At 9:47am I changed my mind, called Joel and told him to come home now.

At 9:56am I messaged my father in law to tell him Joel was on his way home and Mika was at my mom's house with me. (I was supposed to bring Mika to their place for a play date with Grams and Grumpa) I took a shower and continued to labour at my parents.

At 10:52am I called my midwife to tell her to meet me at the hospital.

At 11:05am we finally left my mom's after having many contractions in the hallway to the van. My aunt helped me walk to the car while my mom pulled up to the front doors.

11:25am I called Joel from the labour lounge. I had been registered, but not checked yet at triage. I was waiting for a bed to be clean. I started to have a contraction that I couldn't talk through, so I handed the phone to my mom. They cleaned a bed and I headed into triage while I asked my mom to find out where Joel was.

In triage, she asked me to step on the scale. I refused and told her I had the urge to push. She put me on a bed immediately, checked and realized I was fully dilated and effaced. It was time to push! She called emergency, while I was breathing through contractions. My mom came with us into a room and they transferred me onto a bed. The midwife Fleur who was on call that day came into the room with literally no time to spare. She directed me on pushing and at 11:41am I welcomed Maddison into the world.

At 12:30pm Joel came into the room expecting to see his wife pushing, however the room had been cleaned and I introduced him to our baby girl.

Now I realize what you must be thinking - my biggest fear happened, but in all reality it couldn't have worked out any better. You see, it was really up to me to tell Joel when to leave and when I did, he left. He came as quick as he could (he made it to the hospital in 2.5 hours when Bissett to the city is a 3 hour drive!) and kept checking on me. Labour wasn't drawn out in a hospital which is where I didn't want to be alone, and I had my mom with me during delivery. Mika stayed with my uncle Ed and dad, and my dad even managed to put her down for a nap!

That evening we had a few visitors including a very proud big sister. Mika has been amazing, very gentle, and loves giving her sister hugs and kisses. She is adjusting nicely and we are all settling into our new routines as a family of 4.

advice

2011-06-22T22:08:00.000-05:00

Because I am overdue I have heard a lot of advice on how to get the baby to arrive. Here are some of the things I should try according to friends, family, strangers, really anyone who hears I am overdue. Now I'm not saying these will/will not work. These are merely posted for amusement and I thought I should include all of them to be fair and not pick out ones in particular that I find funny...........I will let you be your own judge......

Walking
Eating pineapple
Drinking red raspberry leaf tea
Acupuncture
Membrane sweep
Eating Chinese food - but REALLY pigging out on it
Sex
Castrol oil
Relaxing
Singing to the baby
Telling the baby I am ready
Eating ice cream standing on my head ;)
Not thinking about it
Taking a bath
Eating watermelon
Squats
Washing the floors
Cleaning
Eat spicy foods
Eat East Indian food
Eating pea soup
Make a birth plan
Climb stairs
Go for a run/jog
Cut the grass
Stop eating/fast
Go for a swim
Go shopping
Drive over train tracks/4x4/bumpy golf cart ride
Speed slides at Lilac
Eat greasy food like a big burger and fries
A glass of wine
Reflexology

So these are the ones I have been given. If you have given me advice that appears on this list, please note I have tried several things on here and I appreciate you trying to help me. Please don't take offense.

misunderstood

2011-06-21T12:02:00.000-05:00

It's days like yesterday that make it painful obvious to me very few people "get" me. I made a comment about being frustrated on my facebook status and received a lot of advice of being patient, things to try to induce labor, etc. Now I'm sorry if this comes across rude, but seriously I get the baby is on its way out. I realize I won't be pregnant for much longer, and that they won't let Bug stay in there past 42 weeks. That being said, that was only part of the frustration. It is frustrating to hear everything is the same as it was weeks ago. BUT that is not what my status was ultimately about.

My status was about all the feelings that have returned to my life. I am scared. Joel leaves tonight to head back to Bissett and I am left alone. I am alone with a 15 month old and a due date that has come and gone. I am alone in the middle of the night. Yes, I have family that I will call when I go into labour who will watch Mika, not what I'm getting at. Joel was such a huge support and comfort for me last time. I am confident he can make it home for the actual delivery. Again, not the point. It is all of the before things. It is packing up the car, it is taking care of Mika until my parents get here, or driving me to the hospital, or anything else I might need. It may sound silly to some, actually to most apparently, but most people have their partners at home so those people shouldn't judge as they have no idea what this is like.

I am worried about when to call Joel and how to get ahold of him. If he is in the mine, there is a whole set of things that need to happen to get ahold of him and inform him he needs to come home. This likely will add an hour to the travel time. That is an extra hour I am alone. I am by myself trying to deal with the pain, excitement, and worry that the birthing experience brings. The travel is bad right now as the road to and from Bissett is in rough shape. It will take him 3 hours this time of year to get to our house. Again, even if I go into labour when he is not in the mine, that is 3 hours of being scared with no reassurance by myself.

I'm frustrated that people don't understand this. I'm frustrated people judge me and assume it is just that I don't want to be pregnant anymore. Actually, in all honesty I don't mind being pregnant - I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 years. (true story ~ 9 months with Mika plus 6 months of breastfeeding plus 9 months with Bug) Although some days are hard being pregnant with a little one, I know the reward is just around the corner and things might be harder before they get easier, but I'm prepared for all of that. I am frustrated because I thought the timing of Joel being home would work out. All my fears and worries were put to bed the day Joel arrived home. And although every day that went by without a baby felt like I had been "cheated" out of a day of Joel's help, I always knew he would stay another week if we/I needed it. But now those 2 weeks have come and gone and all these feelings are back.

Now, I do have a backup plan in theory. My friend Dana who I have known since grade 1 when I first started at BH has agreed to be my "on call" partner. She would meet me at the hospital, or drive me and stay with me until Joel arrives. Understanding that may mean actually being there for the birth. That being said, this plan has faults. Dana can't exactly just leave work to be with me, so this plan only works if it is a weekend or before/after work hours.

Anyways, I just feel misunderstood which only adds to my frustration.

A Family of 4 is just around the corner.....

2011-06-10T01:32:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had something you looked forward to for so long and then when it got close to the date became terrified?! This is my life these days. I am nervous. I am worried. I am overwhelmed. I am scared. I wonder how my days with 2 babies will be filled. I wonder if I will be a good enough mom. I wonder how I will share my time between them. I wonder how I will love them equally. I wonder if Mika will feel cheated. I wonder if Mika will still feel how much we love her. I wonder about how life will be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years....... I wonder......

And yet in all of this wondering, I know things will work out. I remember feeling this way before Mika. I wondered how different life would be once we became a family of 3. I remember no matter how much control I wanted and was used to, I couldn't plan "the unknown". I think had I planned the wedding we originally set out for, I would have felt this way about that too. Everything has always worked out, it's just scary to think about how different life will be.

I am 39 weeks today - June 10th. Mika was born at 39 weeks + 1 day which makes me think any day now could be "the" day.

Joel is home and I am loving have him here. He has been a huge help in taking care of Mika, especially at night. He hasn't started any home renovations which I am thankful for as I think he knows I just want some "quiet" time. He is already bored however, and I think already wishing he could be working on something......

At my last midwife appointment everything was good. The hb was in the 140's and baby's head was low. She was unable to move it anymore which means they have engaged into birthing position. I was 2 cm dilated. I have another appointment Monday so we will see how things have progressed then, for now we are just spending time as a family of 3 before the new chapter in our life begins.

The Nomores!

2011-06-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

Today we completed the first of the "nomores". What's a nomore? It means we have no more Wednesdays left until Joel is home! Tomorrow will mean no more Thursdays, and well you get the point. I am very excited for him to come home and spend some time with me and peanut.

I have been posting pictures of her on facebook for him and he keeps saying the same thing, "She looks so old now". My little peanut does look (and act) like a toddler, which makes me sad in many ways, but also I am so proud of her and all the things she has learned, discovered, and mastered. It's amazing what changes in that first year.

As for life as a pregnant lady, I am 38 weeks and wishing I was in labour. Like yesterday.....BUT at my appointment on Monday it didn't sound like it would be any time soon. So for now I'm patiently waiting (or as patiently as it gets for a 9 month pregnant lady) for Bug to decide they are ready. I do remind Bug everyday that daddy wouldn't mind coming home a few days early and that we're all really excited to meet them. Let's just see if they will listen.......

Predictions:
my mom thinks Friday (June 3) - girl
Chelsea - Sunday (June 5) - boy
me - Thursday (June 9) - girl
Joel - girl
Sarah - girl
Dawn A.- girl
Martin - boy (although I'm not entirely sure if he isn't just saying that to "bug" me - haha
Robyn - boy
Sue - boy
Marge - boy
Vicki - boy
Due Date: June 15

Anyone else want to put down a guess.......?

A Weekend Away

2011-05-23T20:07:00.000-05:00

Mika and I packed up Saturday evening, made a quick trip to the mall to pick up Auntie Mel and headed out to Lilac for a weekend away. Last year Joel helped my dad build a new deck and room onto my parents seasonal site. This weekend proved the room is exactly what they needed. Mika happily played in the addition with some toys, place mats, water bottles and goldfish crackers. (She ate an entire bag in 2 days!)

It was nice to spend time outside and have a change of scenery, but I was also happy to be home. I wasn't feeling great all weekend (When I talked to Joel on Friday I told him I thought Bug would make their appearance this weekend just from how I was feeling - no such luck!) so I am hoping a good nights sleep in my own bed will cure me. or Bug will come. :)

Sunday I went to visit Chris and Sarah (and Ryan of course) in Steinbach and had a great time. Mika couldn't get enough hugs and kisses from Chris. I think she really misses daddy and Chris was a good stand in. (Camping Daddy) We walked around the block, but with both of us being pregnant and it being 22 degrees outside, we decided some inside air conditioning was needed. I am so thankful to not be pregnant the entire summer - I don't handle heat well normally, and adding a little furnace to the front does not help!

Tomorrow I see my midwife again. I'll post that update soon.....

Just for Fun

2011-05-18T09:19:00.002-05:00

When I was pregnant with Meeks, I did a lot of fun little quizzes to help predict the gender. We don't know the gender of "Bug", but I thought it might be fun to complete another quiz based on one I had done with Mika. The first answers are Mika's, the second are todays. I have hit the 36 weeks mark and besides being tired and huge, I am feeling great.

Sleep Position
Pay attention to which way you lay down in bed tonight. If you prefer sleeping on your left side, you'll have a boy. Right side? Your pregnant with a girl.
Verdict: Boy.
Verdict: Girl.

Upset Stomach
Little girls aren't always sweet. Extreme nausea means you are having a daughter.
Verdict: undetermined. Demends on the day and how they classify "extreme"
Verdict: Boy. I had minimal morning sickness.

Soft or Dry Hands
If your hands are dry during pregnancy, you are having a boy; soft -- expect a girl.
Verdict: Boy
Verdict: Boy

Food Cravings
Your favorite pregnancy foods may tell you what sex the baby is. If you're craving citrus while pregnant, you're having a girl.
Verdict: Boy. I have not craved anything citrus.
Verdict: Girl

Adult Acne
If altering hormones makes your skin break out, expect a girl.
Verdict: Boy. My skin has actually improved for the most part.
Verdict: Girl

Graceful or Clumsy Pregnancy
If you feel as though you're gliding through they day, you'll have a girl. Stumbling? It's a boy.
Verdict: Boy
Verdict: Boy
Face Weight Gain
If your face gets fuller, it means you're having a girl.
Verdict: Girl.

Verdict: Girl

Sugar and Spice Food Cravings
Craving salt during pregnancy? Potato chips, pretzels, and popcorn means a boy is on the way. Need a little something sweet? Ice cream, chocolate, and candy means you're having a girl.
Verdict: Girl. A slurpee a day.......
Verdict: Girl

Mood Changes
If you're experiencing pregnant mood-swings, expect a baby girl to arrive soon.
Verdict: Girl
Verdict: Girl

High or Low Pregnant Belly
If you're carrying the baby low on your stomach, expect a boy. If it's high, you're having a girl.
Verdict: Boy
Verdict: Girl

Baby Weight
If you're carrying baby in front, it's a boy. Is the baby weight spaced all around your middle? It's a girl.
Verdict: Girl
Verdict: Girl

Pendulum Test
Dangle a chain with a charm over your palm. If it swings back and forth: boy. In a circle: girl.
Verdict: Boy. Thank you Mindie.
Verdict: Girl.
Model Your Hands
"Show me your hands." If you would hold your hands palms up it's a girl. Down? You're having a boy.
Verdict: Boy
Verdict: Boy

Toddler Advice
Get baby advice from a nephew or friend's little boy. If a toddler boy shows interest in your belly, you'll have a girl. If he ignores you, it's a boy.
Verdict: undetermined.
Verdict: Boy
Eat Garlic
Guess the baby's sex by eating garlic. If the smell seeps out of your pores it's a boy. If there's no scent it's a little girl.
Verdict: undetermined.
Verdict: Girl
Key to Pregnancy
If you pick up a key by the round end, you're having a boy. If it's by the long end? A girl.
Verdict: Boy
Verdict: Boy
Even and Odd Numbers
If your age and year of conception are both even or odd, it's girl. One even, one odd means a boy.
Verdict: Boy (24 and 2009)
Verdict: Boy (25 and 2010)
Baby's Heartbeat
If the baby's heart beats more than 150 times per minute, you're pregnant with a girl. Less than 150, it's a boy.
Verdict: Boy (131)
Verdict: Boy (between 140 - 150 the entire time)

Stress Test
A child tends to be of the same sex as the parent who is less stressed at the time of conception.
Verdict: Boy. Joel is always less stressed than me. :)
Verdict: Boy

Dream Meanings
If you dream about having a girl while pregnant, you will wind up having a boy and vice versa.
Verdict: Both. Dreamt about having a girl at about week 8 and a boy at 19 weeks
Verdict: Girl. I dreamt about having a boy twice now

Breast Size
If your right breast is larger than the left while pregnant, you are having a girl. If the left is larger, it's a baby boy.
Verdict: undetermined. Will have to ask Joel...... ;)
Verdict: Boy.

I have the pictures to prove it....

2011-05-16T18:18:00.000-05:00

My friend Dawn from Sunrise Mosaics is super talented. (check her out on facebook) She is the one who made Mika's birthday cake, my mother's day gifts to my moms, and now has taken these amazing pictures of my family. Dawn is a stay at home mom of 2 little kidlets so where she finds the time, I'm not sure, but I do know she barely sleeps. I met her because Joel was working with her husband. Once I saw a sample of her cakes, I knew she had to help me with Mika's cake. From there I have seen how much pride she puts into everything she does. She is one of the nicest people you have ever met - honestly. (Joel says her husband is the same way) So today I am here to show you that I have a beautiful family and the pictures to prove it! Just look.....

My family

Grams and Grumpa gave this book to Mika before she was born.
It makes me cry every time.
Dawn picked these quotes herself and added them, I had no idea, but I love them!

We don't officially know it is a girl, we just think it is

Just look how much he loves me!

I'm a Big Sister shirt on

Waiting for you "Bug"

My Peanut

2011-05-15T17:24:00.000-05:00

My peanut and I spent the day outside playing in the park, exploring the world around us. Mika loves being outside and is eager to learn by touching and tasting everything in sight. I just love making her smile!

New Stroller!

2011-05-14T22:12:00.000-05:00

The last piece on my "to do" list was crossed off today. I purchased this stroller - The Baby Jogger City Select. It is beyond sweet. Ok Bug, you can come anytime now, we're ready for you!

I totally bought this today (minus the bassinet attachment) and couldn't be more excited!

Yep, it's true....

2011-05-13T14:41:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's true, Mika misses her daddy! It is made clear when the first night when I listened to heartbreaking hopeful cries of "da da" while pointing at her bedroom door, followed by endless (or what feel like endless) sleepless nights - for both of us! This has created a whole separation anxiety problem that is already so common for this age group. So what am I doing about it? Surviving! How? By doing something I thought I wouldn't do again.... I brought Mika into our bed. Ok, so I've only done it once - last night at about 3am, but I could tell the night was headed in the same direction as the previous and quite frankly I was just too tired to care. She was waking every hour (literally I could time it)

I have read a lot about sleep since Mika was about 3 months old, trying different suggestions from various sources but she just hasn't mastered this sleep thing. Staying positive we have made a few milestones which our family is proud of. She went from only sleeping in her swing to in her bed. (this was a long time ago, but it was a big deal) She went from crying for what felt like hours when she was put into her crib, to just going to sleep. She went from a really inconsistent nap/bedtime schedule to a solid one that works for our family. She went from an early bedtime to a later one which allows a little more time in the morning for mommy to sleep. So we have made improvements.

I would love her to sleep longer, but she is little. Her world is changed every 4 weeks and then again in 2 weeks. (repeat continuously) She doesn't have a lot to depend on in terms of helping that separation anxiety and although "momma" tries to comfort her, the nights following Joel's departure are just terrible. I wish she was old enough to follow a calendar, to cross days off, or even just understand that "dada" will be home again, but she's just too small.

Of course this affects other things too. Her attitude the day he leaves is always cranky and tests my patience. I have told Joel repeatedly that my biggest lesson in having children so close together will be patience. I know there will be ups and downs and I am fully prepared for at least a few mental breakdowns. (from both myself and Mika)

Onto more positive and exciting things - we are 5 weeks from our due date! This terrifies me and makes me happy all at the same time. If "Bug" will wait, Joel is scheduled to be home when I hit 39 weeks pregnant. Mika was born at 39+1, and if my midwives experience is any indication, it should be close. (she keeps telling me, if you were early with the first, be prepared to be early with the second. However this is of course no guarantee. Bug will do whatever they want)

We had a midwife appointment on Wednesday. (it was scheduled for Monday which Joel would have been able to attend but after being in the delivery room all night with another mom, the midwife called to reschedule) All went well, nothing exciting to report. Head is still down, I measured on target, hb was 142bpm, and my blood pressure was again 100/60. (it has been this for the last 4 visits and has only varied twice - once to 102/60 and once to 110/60) I did the GBS test and will get the results in 2 weeks.

I do have a backup plan in case Bug decides to come early. Obviously I will call Joel right away, but while he drives from Bissett to Wpg, my bestie from grade 1 has agreed to be my "on call" partner. Dana and I were friends from when I started at BH in grade one. I have great memories of Dana and I from junior, middle and senior school, and I know she is the positive and comforting support I would need if Joel couldn't be there. Dana is calm and encouraging and I am comfortable with her.

This weekend I am getting the new stroller and we will finally be ready for "Bug". I went into Lux for Sprouts on Corydon yesterday and started talking to one of the girls about double strollers. I had the one I wanted picked out for some time now (I did A TON of research on them, reading reviews, comparing styles, safety, etc.) and was really prepared to go in there, order it, and pick it up 2 weeks later. That all changed once we started talking. She made me really think about a double stroller and why I want(ed) one. She explained how it may seem like the only option or practical for when the baby first arrives, but what happens when Mika is 3 and "Bug" is 1.5? Would I still need a double - likely not. she told me about the doorway issue....super common in double strollers, but hey, what can you do i thought?! Well what you can do is purchase a new single stroller with a toddler seat attachment. There are some down sides to this option too, but for long term this plan seems much more realistic.

Everything else has been good. I'm tired and huge, but love watching Bug move. I get a weird feeling that sends shivers down my spine when (s)he twists these days as there is not a lot of room there. I had a dream (twice now) that we were having a boy. I would be totally shocked, but you never know..... For now we will just wait for Bug's arrival and countdown until Joel is back home.

It's almost time to say good-bye?

2011-05-06T17:28:00.000-05:00

It's true. It's almost time to say good bye to my husband again. He was home for a short 6 day turn around which has been a whirl wind of visits, little jobs here and there and trying to find time for each other.

Tonight we have invited Joel's cousins over for dinner. Ang is the only babysitter Mika has had besides grandparents and Aunty Sarah/Uncle Jay. She has done such an amazing job with her daughter that I don't worry about Mika when Ang has her. They both love Mika so much and it shows when they are with her. Plus Ang and I have had a lot of really good heart to heart talks when I was on my last maternity leave, and she gets me. She offers an ear without judgement. I have been lucky that she has Fridays off and we were able to develop this relationship.

Tomorrow morning we are heading out to Riverton to visit our nephew. I'm excited to see the little squirt as a hospital visit is just not the same as spending some real time with him. This will be the first time Joel meets him and I think he is really looking forward to it. We will head out around morning nap to try and keep Mika's schedule and we will leave after dinner when it's Mika's bedtime. (again trying to keep the routine as much as possible)

We have had a few rough nights and being almost 9 months pregnant is making my patience run thin. I am glad Joel is home this week to help, but I also wonder if he is the on causing the disturbance. Mika by no means sleeps through the night, but usually I can get up with her briefly and get her back to bed. It's like she is checking to see if I am still there. Sometimes it's to eat, but still it usually isn't a long ordeal. This week has been full of night wakings - like I'm talking every hour, sleeps on the couch with Joel, and various other bad bed time adventures. Mika has really developed her attitude and Independence lately and has started these little temper tantrums. I'm not sure what to do about them. They consist of screaming and crying when she doesn't get her way, throwing herself on the floor and just generally being a brat! I want to correct this and quick, but I'm not sure how........

Other than that, things are great. My house is painted, my bedroom and bathroom have been redecorated, the house is clean and in order and things are going well. We have a doctors appointment Monday to find out more about Bug so I'll leave that update for later.

Another project complete!

2011-05-01T22:25:00.000-05:00

The house got painted this weekend, and I am super happy with the results. Joel will put up the artwork when he is home on Tuesday, so I'll post the living room ones soon. But for now, here is my latest project! I am SO happy with my adult bathroom.....

Before, my orange monkey themed bathroom

Grey and Purple themed new bathroom

finished project

Please help me welcome....

2011-04-29T15:52:00.001-05:00

my littlest nephew, Griffin! (I have 2 other nephews in California) Welcome to the family, you have no idea how proud your parents are already and how much we all love you. I forgot my camera when I went to visit, so these are some of Jay's pictures. I hope he doesn't mind! We'll see you again soon lil man.

This is my favourite picture, he's just so sweet!

Just born!

Birthin From Within - Birthing Again

2011-04-18T10:22:00.000-05:00

This weekend Joel and I attended the second part of the Birthin From Within prenatal classes we took last year to prepare for Mika. The series was called Birthin Again and although we used a different provider, the course was excellent. We went for 2 hours Friday night and from 10am - 4pm Saturday. The course wasn't focused on teaching us about what to expect but rather to reflect on our past experience, to draw strengths and weakness we had personally, to share with our partners his strengths and weaknesses, to really think about what we are planning for this labor and delivery, to think about our plans for Mika during L&D, to consider plans for Mika if something unexpected happens and I end up with a c-section for example, to think about how we can already start preparing Mika, etc. The class (similar to the last one) is focused on having a spiritual connection with your body and drawing from your inner strengths to cope during labor. If you know Joel, you can imagine how much he didn't enjoy this class... sharing feelings, sitting around talking about emotions, well it just isn't Joel's idea of a good weekend. BUT he went for me and similar to last class drove me crazy acting like he didn't care or using humor to avoid the seriousness of the situation. I can only hope he was actually listening to me when I shared his strengths and weaknesses from last time. I hope he will be the same supportive, calming influence he was last time. I hope he will show me his unconditional love again and can understand me the same as before. I also hope he recognizes my needs postpartum and is more in tune once we get home. I am feeling mentally ready for this baby now and only have 4 more days of work! yay!

This weekend, besides being Easter is also the weekend of painting!! I am VERY excited to have a professional painter come in and paint our home. Joel and I went yesterday and picked up a very light color and a nice grey for our bathroom. I have purchased new bathroom decor and am looking forward to having an adult bathroom.

We had the realtor visit on Friday and although I wasn't super excited about what he said, none of it was surprising either. It was exactly what Joel and I thought, which means the plan is extended into next year. I am happy as it leaves us lots of time to clean up, organize and prepare for putting our house for sale. Oh and I shouldn't be pregnant so of course that would make things easier too.

Since we will be at the house for another year Joel has decided to add his deck and start the landscaping. He will do this project while home during his 2 weeks off.

This is life for now, enjoy ~

A New Light

2011-04-17T19:29:00.000-05:00

so this post was supposed to come out on Thursday or Friday, but I was having computer trouble so here it is....

Have you ever woke up and instantly felt better? Nothing about the situation had changed, and yet for some reason whether it be a good sleep, a talk with your best friend, or just waking up with a new attitude has made the situation instantly better? I had a long talk with my best friend and hubby yesterday and expressed a lot of what I was feeling. I feel like we have a plan and are finally on the same page. I felt heard, I felt loved, I felt accepted and I felt understood. It was the first time since he has been home. We talked about him being away and how that will work. How our family dynamic will change. How it changes and will continue to change when he comes home. We talked about the pros and cons of him working away. We talked about what we both want out of the experience. Miners, similar to other trades where one half of the team leaves for a period of time have a very high divorce rate which scares me. I wanted my fears heard. I needed reassurance. I wanted to make sure we make time for each other even though his time home will be short. I want to feel like a priority. I wanted to make sure he understood that although he can not see his kids for 4 weeks at a time, I only see the kids for 4 weeks at a time, and would love to have just one night with him. It is hard as we both come from 2 experiences while he is away, but we need to understand each other and make sure both of our needs are met. Of course this will be easier when I am not working as we will have the day to also fit in time together.

It looks like Joel's schedule might be 2 weeks on leaving Tuesday then 2 weeks home before a 4 week shift away. If this is the case (he should know today), he will be home May 3 - 17 then not home again until June 14. Since my due date is June 15, this could work out really well or not.... Being only a few hours away is one thing, but if labor starts when he has already entered the mine it adds a significant amount of time to his travel. It means calling the company, having them radio to him, pack up his tools and put them in the job box, he has to travel out of the mine, enter the dry to shower and change, head back to camp to grab whatever he needs, and then be on the road. Assuming San Gold/Cementation radios right away, it probably adds at least an hour to his trip. We are attending a birthing again class this weekend where we will address fears. Of course this will be one of my biggest. Not that Joel will miss the birth, because I'm confident he can make it to the hospital in time for actual delivery, but Joel was a huge support and calming influence on me during my last labour. I know my birthing experience would have been completely different had he not been there. I was able to deliver "naturally" and that will be my goal this time. I just hope Joel only misses the early labor and makes it in time for active labor.

I do have other fears about labor and delivery, but I'll address those in class. It is tonight for 2 hours, then tomorrow all day. I'm looking forward to it, even if Joel is not.

Well, better get back to work so for now, enjoy ~

One Week

2011-04-14T09:03:00.000-05:00

I am hoping taking some time off before the baby comes will make me feel like myself again. I'm feeling torn in a million directions. I feel demand on myself and I'm not sure if I'm putting it on or if it is actual expectations. I am hormonal and unbalanced. I just need time to myself, time with peanut and sleep. I am very much counting down this week and looking forward to Good Friday which promises to be a Good Friday!

Dreaming...

2011-04-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

I have been day dreaming a lot lately .... about our future .... about Bug .... about labor .... about being prepared .... about Mika .... about home .... about renovations .... about open houses .... about Joel's new position .... about being alone for 4 weeks with the kids .... about my event coordinator interview .... about daycare .... about returning to work .... about not returning to work .... about my new niece or nephew .... about budgeting .... about taxes .... about summer camping and other plans .... about making all my appointments .... and the list goes on ....

I'm feeling a little forgotten about these days which could be in part to my hormone levels, and could be in part to reality vs. perception. I'm not really ready to express it more than this, but as I dream about my future, I wonder where I even fit into it. I wonder if feelings/attitudes change or if it is just over sensitivity. I wonder if I am too demanding on both others and myself. I wonder if I have unrealistic expectations. I wonder if these expectations will ever be met or changed. I sometimes hate dreaming......

It's the little things

2011-04-08T09:29:00.000-05:00

Having Joel home means having a house that is closer to completion in terms of renovations, but it also means there is more "stuff" out. What do I mean? Well for example Joel often leaves his dresser drawers open after he pulls out clothes for the day, or will leave his orange juice cup from the morning on the counter, or his closet door open. These little things could drive a person crazy.... or better said these little things could drive ME crazy. I know they are little things, things I shouldn't worry about... I have bigger things to focus on, to care about and yet I still find myself wondering how many times I will have to ask him to close his closet before it actual ever gets done. Or if I will spend everyday just closing it myself to save the trouble.......

But in positive renovation news, I have a pantry that is 95% complete! It needs a handle on the door (the one that came with the door did not meet Joel's standards) and shelving in the back of the closet, but then it will be done! I can't wait to organize it and clean up the other shelving unit that we had in our kitchen for storage.

Joel also managed to complete the ceiling tile in the basement which means once there are baseboards, that room will be completely done. Baseboards, in typical Hayward fashion are not installed until you are putting the house for sale, so maybe I will get them next year......

Joel is already planning his next renovation project which is causing me to wonder what our long term plans are, but I guess we'll deal with that after the summer. The back landscaping needs to be dealt with before we can sell, adding a deck, leveling out the yard and re pouring the back walkway so he will start that once it has dried up a bit.

Baseboards upstairs are being installed by my parents - thanks guys! My mom even made dinner for us yesterday while they worked.

Joel has 2 more weeks at home but I think he is starting to get anxious to return to work already.

In baby news, I am waiting patiently for my little niece or nephew....

In personal baby news, I have hit 30 weeks! This scares me to death as I feel unprepared and yet I know I am. (in terms of things, the room, etc. I am organized and prepared, it is more of a mental unprepared thing) I guess it is just different than with Mika, since I now am so focused on her I have a hard time focusing on this pregnancy/baby the same way. I remember my first pregnancy going so slowly and this one has flown by! I read today that 34 weeks for a second pregnancy is usually considered full term and not uncommon. To think that in as short as 4 weeks, I could have a newborn panics me so I prefer to think of 10 weeks...... I only have 2 weeks left of work as of yesterday which I know will help me mentally prepare for this baby and make me feel more at ease.

Joel's schedule is still a little unknown but it looks like he will be away for our due date. He will only be a 2.5 hour drive away so I am not worried. (although my midwife is) I will call Joel when I start labor and he will drive in. If things are progressing fast, he will just meet me at the hospital. In all reality he will make it home before I even leave the house. Or in an ideal world this is what will happen. My parents are on Mika standby, but if I need to go to the hospital before Joel gets there I have asked my mom to come with me so I am not by myself. Of course if I go into labor on a Friday or Saturday it makes more sense to call Martin and Barb to see if they can watch Mika, but that's up to Bug.

Having Joel home means I get some nights off, or at least help during them. It also means I have at least one morning a week to sleep in since Joel will take her downstairs to play. I am growing everyday and ready to stop... I am feeling huge. Especially when it means carrying Mika for an extended period of time or playing with her on the floor.

Mika has a mind of her own these days (like she didn't before - ha!) and only wants to eat what Joel and I are eating. This makes it easier in some ways and harder in others. Some things I'm just not prepared to share with her yet... Joel and I eat a lot of spicy food and I'm not sure my little peanut could handle the same level of spice we like to cook with. She runs wherever she wants to go and is too stubborn to listen to the word "no". (even though she clearly understands the word and the meaning)

Well that's what's happening in our life right now, enjoy ~

Mika's Birthday Party

2011-04-04T09:16:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday we celebrated Mika's first birthday with friends and family at my parents condo. Although it was a little crowded (and therefore hot!), I think everyone enjoyed playing with the birthday girl and visiting.

We had a friend bake Mika's cake in a sesame street theme....

It turned out beautifully and exactly what I wanted, which would have been hard to do considering my only instructions were "The party is Sesame Street themed, let's go with something that fits that." It was a chocolate bottom layer (3 layers of chocolate with buttercream in between) and the top was a white confetti cake, again three layers with buttercream in between - yummy!!

I had Mika is one outfit up to and including supper, then changed her into a Tinkerbell Fairy outfit I had picked up in the states so she could open her presents like a princess. After that was PJ time and the family started to head home with loot bag in hand... a picture cookie of Mika's one year pictures.

Mommy helping opening my first present

All these new toys and I loved this bucket

New drum set from my cousins Ang and Megan

Daddy showuing me how a toy works

Before opening presents, I chatted with Great Grandma Jean and showed her my new shoes

Getting ready for dinner with my party hat and bib on

These pictures are from Barb's camera, I will upload the ones from my grandma's soon.... Enjoy ~

Home Depot

2011-04-01T09:29:00.000-05:00

My husband made a trip yesterday to Home Depot and picked up the finishing details for all of our half finished projects. I am looking forward to coming home today and seeing his progress. I dropped Mika off at daycare this morning so Joel would have the entire day to get some things done around the house. His main goal today is the pantry - priming, painting and installing the floor. In between paint coats while he is waiting for it to dry, he is going to install the small section of ceiling tile in the basement. If he has any extra time, he is going to clean up the backyard and install plugs into his new tool shelving unit in the basement. Saturday we have Mika's 1st birthday party, but Sunday he will be back at renovations installing shelving and the door on the pantry. He said he might work a bit on Saturday morning while I do a few errands. I finally feel like we are nearing the end of these renovations which makes me very happy. I'd love to be in the house for a little while where it is all complete and we are not waiting to finish something...... But that would likely mean the house would be up for sale!

Bragging (because I can!)

2011-03-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

Although I have talked about planning Sarah's baby shower, I had to keep many of the details a secret as I know she reads my blog. I was dying to share the details I had been planning, but had to wait until after the actual day. Anyone who knows me also knows I started planning this shower the night we found out she was expecting and were not surprised by the things that were included. So now without further delay, here are some pictures of the details....

Baby socks made into roses

Roses

If you know Sarah, you know about sheep. I made cupcakes to look like sheep with marshmallows. Okay so they didn't turn out great, but the thought and effort were there.

The diaper cake I made for one of the games - guess the number

My sister is in love with fruit and fruit salad these days, so I made a baby carriage bowl to hold fruit salad

Decorations of baby clothes Joel and I got for her - yes one of them has sheep on it too

Second clothesline of items for our niece or nephew
Note: Good Looks Run In The Family is what the blue onsie says

Of course there were games, tons of food and lots of friends and family that came to shower Baby Boaz which Sarah and Jay were truly grateful for. My little peanut was sick, which made it a little hard for me to be apart of the shower and I ended up leaving earlier than I would have liked to, but I know Sarah understood. Overall a great day, now I'm just counting down until I can cuddle with the little Walnut!

Mika's One Year Pictures

2011-03-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

This weekend we are celebrating Mika's 1st Birthday with the family and a few friends. Joel will be home tomorrow night after being away for 5 weeks. Both Mika and I are looking forward to him being home, and I know Joel can't wait to spend Wednesday with his little peanut. I have ordered a few things for Mika's party including a cake made special by Joel's coworkers wife themed as sesame street, photo cookies for the guests to take home and balloons.

With Joel being home, it also means the end of renovations I hope. While he is home he can get the last few touches done including putting doors back on the closets/pantry, adding a floor to the pantry, finishing the baseboards, reinstalling the lights in our back entrance, adding shelving to the pantry, etc. The paint will likely have to wait until the end of April/beginning of May, but we are hiring someone for that.

I spent the weekend tired, but making freezer meals with my mom. I remember very clearly being 9 months pregnant and wishing I could just pull something out with Mika. This year, I figured I will feel even more like that, so I made a plan and we got started. Friday was shopping for the ingredients at Lovedays, Dunrite, Gimli Fish Market, Miller's Meats, Costco and Superstore. We even managed to make 5 chicken lasagnas before heading to bed. (well I went to bed, mom stayed up with Mika until 2:30am) Saturday was 5 beef lasagnas, 3 chicken casseroles, 5 pork sate, 2 sweet and sour pork chops Supper Central Style, 3 BBQ pork chops, 20 calzones of 3 different varieties, Bombay chicken sauce, and Sunday was 3 more lasagnas, 7lbs of 3 different types of meatballs and 3 packages of prosciutto stuffed chicken. WOW!

After Mika's party I plan to take it easy as it feels like I haven't stopped in awhile. I keep saying Bug will be the tough and won't let Mika push her/him around. My sister was so thoughtful this weekend and offered to take Mika for a night to allow me a night off and to get some sleep. (Her parents were heading up to Menneville for the weekend so they could have brought her up) If she wasn't 9 months pregnant, I may have taken them up on this offer, but I figured it would be 2am and I would be driving to meet them in Selkirk while she was in labor!

Well that is all for now, until the next update... Enjoy ~

One Day, One Determined Momma

2011-03-20T21:03:00.000-05:00

Here it is before....

And after one evening, one nap time, and a few hours with Nana, here it is now!

This was my Saturday night/Sunday project. Friday night I cleaned and organized our laundry room which was a serious disaster. I am feeling better in all areas now. Last week I tackled our spare room/office. Once Joel is home I can finish that up as I need a bit of help. An organized house makes for an organized life.

On Friday I wrote my case study for my event coordinator certification, the only thing left is my interview and that process will be another thing off the to do list. This will make me certified across Canada as an event coordinator. Think of it like university for the tourism industry. :)

I also met with my boss this past week about my plans to return next year and it looks like things will work out for our family. I will be able to confirm it once I am on maternity leave so for now, it's just a hope.

Only 5 more weeks of work before maternity leave, one more week and 2 days until my hubby is home for 3 weeks, and 3-5 weeks and I will have a new niece or nephew ~ Life is good!

Surprise!

2011-03-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

On March 5th, my little peanut turned one! And while Joel was busy at work, I was busy getting my van packed for our trip up to Bissett to surprise him. A few weeks before Meek's birthday, Joel was sounding a little blue that he was going to miss it. I thought if he couldn't be here for it - why not bring Meeks up to him?! I searched online for the bed and breakfast (where Joel is staying) and sent my weird request. Considering I wasn't even sure I had the right place, the email was a bit awkward. Luckily for me, not only did I have the right place, but the gentleman and his wife that own it were amazing. They welcomed me to come up and stay as long as I wanted to, even offering to make a special steak dinner for us. I offered to bring some food, and in true Ashley fashion, overdid it a little. I brought Joel some little gifts from me and Meeks (spiced rum and new work clothes) and left around 1pm. We arrived shortly after 4pm to a beautiful home. The bed and breakfast is quite large and all wood inside, it had a very cottage like feel. Barry and his wife "Lake" welcomed Mika and I with open arms, and were extremely helpful with unloading, organizing my items, and hiding my van. When Joel arrived just over an hour later, he was fairly grumpy - that is until he recognized Me and Mika! He had tried calling my cell to sing Happy Birthday to Mika, but of course it was off. (there is no reception up there with Rogers) He left me a message that sounded like a boy who just lost his puppy. The guys he works with knew I was coming, so Clint, taking one for the team suggested they go out for pizza and beer. As they headed back to the b&b, Joel couldn't understand the detour. Clint explained that he needed his going out pants and Rolly wanted to see the b&b. They finally got him into the house, and in typical Joel fashion, he did a quick acknowledgement wave to me in the living room, and went to poor a drink. When I said "Is that anyway to greet your family?!" he turned around and his jaw almost hit the floor. He couldn't believe we were there! It really was a surprise which made it so much better. All he kept saying was "I can't believe you came", and "thank you so much for coming". Mika was thrilled to see him, squealing in delight when he got close to us. It was such a good day for everyone, I was happy it all worked out.

While my little baby is now 1, I thought about all the things she has learned. It is amazing how much she has grown, turned into a little character of her own with a little attitude and personality! She is stubborn, independent, and determined. She makes me laugh everyday, and her smiles can make any day better. (those chicklet teeth are just too cute)

I have started to plan her little party we are hosting at my mom's. It is sesame street themed so I have ordered the cake, cookies, and bought all the decorations. We are just doing a lasagna dinner for everyone and it will be fairly small with mostly family and a few friends.

In other Hayward news, the renovations have begun again. We hired a drywaller to finish taping, mudding and sanding for the back entrance, the holes from when the heated floor went in, the pantry and fix a few cracks in our ceiling. It has left my house in quite a mess, but I have worked hard to try and clean it. I still have a few hours worth of cleaning to do, but it is starting to feel not quite so overwhelming.

Besides these things in my life, on the weekend I hosted Sarah's baby shower. We had games, food and a lot of presents to "shower" the baby with. I think it went well, especially considering it was the first shower I hosted. I have posted pictures of a few things I did on my facebook, and will post them here shortly.

If life wasn't crazy enough, I am in my third trimester. Which means I am getting tired more easily. I am overall feeling good but chasing after a 1 year old, renovating, having a husband away, working full time, planning surprises, showers and birthday parties, applying for my daycare license, completing my first aid/cpr training, and finishing my certification to be an event coordinator means life is busy to say the least.

Anyways, I don't have pictures to post just yet, but will post them shortly. Until then, enjoy your day ~

We’re Home.... well most of us

2011-02-28T14:29:00.000-06:00

Joel is back to work in Bissett and will be there until March 22nd.

We arrived safely back from Arizona on February 18th after only a short delay. Unfortunately we flew at night, so coming home even a little late meant we did not make it into our door until 4am. We walked into a cold house, and the dogs shaking, but continued to unload the van. After Joel got every bag into the house he looked at the thermostat as he knew something was not right. Sure enough it was 6 degrees in the house! Brrrrr! So he went downstairs and after about a ½ hour of fighting with the furnace he decided to call someone, which involved telling me to call someone. He had heated up my heat bags in the microwave and I put 3 down comforters, 2 fleece blankets and another comforter on my bed where Meeks and I cuddled. By 9am it had been fixed, but it wasn’t warm until after 1pm.

That being said, we had a wonderful holiday away! We went swimming almost every day, visited the zoo, had a date night which included a night in a hotel, did a ton of shopping, visited where we got married and generally relaxed. It was much needed and spending the time with Joel’s family was nice. It was totally different than the last time we went since we focused so much on the wedding that time, this time was much more relaxed. Meeks did amazing on the plane, I couldn't have asked for better. Her first trip was a huge success which makes me think seriously about going away next year. (but with 2 condos to choose from, what's a girl to do?! haha)

Here are a few pictures from the trip, enjoy ~

(a longer update is overdue, but will have to wait for another day. My little peanut turns one on Saturday so we are busy preparing for that)

I had to see what the deals were everyday, I love shopping!

Kisses to Grandma for taking me swimming, she took me a lot!

At the park the last day with mommy and daddy

One of my new outfits mommy picked out

At the zoo with Flat Stanley, Grandma, Daddy and Mommy

Chillin at the condo

A couple of pictures to update

2011-02-06T09:48:00.000-06:00

Life These Days....

2011-02-02T20:54:00.000-06:00

Life these days is busy to say the least. The weekdays have a consistent routine: wake up, let dog out, get dressed, Meeks wakes up, change diaper, put Meeks in her chair, finish getting ready, one more diaper change and off to daycare. Arrive early, and wait outside for daycare to open. Panic to work and arrive 5 minutes to the plus or minus depending on traffic. Work. Panic out of work at 4pm. Pick up Meeks at daycare. Chat with Jackie for a little bit. Head home. Make Meeks dinner. Feed her. Change her. Bathe her. Cuddles and finally bed time. Dinner for me, chat with Joel and off to bed. Yep, that's life. Nothing exciting, but it's our day Monday to Friday.

This weekend was eventful to say the least. Friday my mom had picked Meeks up for an afternoon shopping trip. She drove her home and I met them at our house. Saturday my dad came over and we chalked one portion of Mika's new room. When he left after shoveling the part of the yard I couldn't do (it was just too heavy and the banks are too high for me to lift it - it's as tall as me!) Mika and headed to Can Tire for ceiling paint and painters tape. The minute we arrived home, I barely made it out of the van before I was violently sick. This continued for about an hour when I knew I had to go to my moms for some help. There was no way I could watch a very active 11 month old and be sick, so off we went. With only a few stops we made it. My mom suggested I call health links just to make sure I shouldn't be doing anything specific for the baby. (normally I would call my midwife except we had only met one time when I accepted her, so I felt a little weird calling her, but would next time now that she has at least seen me as a patient) After a questionnaire they recommended that I go to the hospital "immediately". A little scary, but off my dad and I went. After a few hours in the waiting room (I was in the bathroom) then a few hours in the emergency section I was released just after midnight. They did a lot of tests on the baby as one of the concerns was that I was in labour. The next day I literally slept all day, I was awake for about 30 minutes in total. I was still unable to eat/drink in the morning and was still feeling yucky. By the late afternoon I could keep down watered down apple juice which was a big improvement. By Monday I was back to myself which was nice, although I felt bad for Meeks as she missed a weekend with mommy. (although I'm sure she enjoyed her time with nana)

Mika has some more teeth coming in (she has her 2 bottom and 2 top ones in already) which is leaving her a little grumpy and very clingy to mommy. I don't mind though, I actually like it as I miss her during the day. She is walking full time which is exciting. Her favourite thing these days is pointing - especially to pictures of Joel saying "dada". Very cute. My mom showed her that. She is daddy's girl when he is home, we both miss him like crazy. She loves putting toys into other toys (cups into other cups, blocks into her car's compartment, fruit into her bucket, etc.) Grandma is good at helping to encourage this. She is curious about everything and loves climbing the stairs. She is constantly in my cupboards while I'm in the kitchen. Her favourite foods change weekly, but they seems to be kidney beans, cream cheese, string cheese, frozen yogurt tubes, fruit of any kind, and peas. She is stubborn and throws little tantrums when she doesn't get her way which seems funny saying about an 11 month old, but trust me, she knows how to protest. I just love watching her grow and develop. It is amazing how many things she has learned in less than a year! I was planning her 1st birthday party on her birthday, but now Joel will be gone, so I will have to delay it until he is home to celebrate with us.

Work is, well work. But in 10.5 more weeks I can be done which excites me. I look forward to having some time off before the baby comes (with Mika I had 5 days off instead of the 2 weeks I planned). I have another ultrasound booked for Feb 10 which Joel will be able to attend! The first one was scheduled at 17 weeks, so they were unable to see the heart chambers. There is no concern, but they would like to see them, hence the second appointment. He (my midwife) has scheduled my appointments until April which makes my life easier as I need to coordinate them with work/daycare/mom. My triple screen came back negative which is good news, and so far everything is going well.

We leave for Arizona on Feb 11 for one week which we are both looking forward to. I am keeping it off facebook for a few reasons, at least for now.

Joel is applying for an out of town permanent position which would good for us. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because of what it would mean for our house.......

I have planned (actually a long time ago) Sarah's shower and I am seriously excited about it. I spent a lot of time thinking of all the details, so hopefully it goes as smoothly as I plan. I think there might be some more showers in the near future I would be involved with.....hmmmm......

Anyways, there is so much to update and just no time, so this will have to do, enjoy ~

P.S. I will upload pictures from my mom's camera this weekend as she has taken the most recent Mika pictures

Delayed!

2010-12-29T20:35:00.000-06:00

I don't start work until Tuesday - yay! I know it is only one day, but it is a bonus day to spend with Meeks.

I had a wonderful evening out last night with Joel. He planned the whole night as a Christmas gift. (long story, but he did well in the end) He took me to Inferno's Bistro. We have been there once before without a reservation, so we were unable to have the full experience. (our table had a reservation coming in only an hour so they warned us we might be rushed) It is a great restaurant with lots to choose from ranging from pastas, to bison and elk, to sandwiches and more. We started with frogs legs and duck spring rolls (the frog legs were ok, kind of like chicken thighs, and the spring rolls were delicious!), followed by baked french onion soup, followed by our entrees. Joel has bacon wrapped bison which I tasted and immediately regretted not getting. I had a NY strip with scallops. I know, I know, what a boring choice at such a restaurant! It was the last special and it threw me off. I really wanted the elk, but for some reason that's just not what I ordered. After dinner we headed to Rumor's Comedy Club. Joel has never been, and I used to go every year for my birthday. I laughed so hard and remembered exactly why I loved going.

The new room has been started....... oh my how I hate renovations! I just wanted our front and back finished first, but I guess that will have to wait. Luckily with Meek's new room it is only a matter of painting, we decided not to change any of the baseboards/framing this time. This makes the whole pregnancy a lot more "real" for me, and as the room progresses, I know it will even more. My goal is to have Meeks in her new room for her birthday, but we will see. I have recruited my mother in law to help me (she is going to regret it I'm sure) make Meek's new bedding. I bought a crib sheet so I just wanted a comforter. More for when she is a toddler since right now I only use sleep sacks. I also plan to make the wall art and will probably do that with Joel next time he is home. (it is a 2 person job!)

In other good news ~ I found my double stroller! I have been debating for a long time about what I wanted in a stroller and I finally found one that meets my needs! It is WAY too expensive, but it will make my life easier, and therefore I can justify the cost. I tried out the Graco Duo Glider, but I just wasn't happy with it. There are some other neat tandem strollers out there, but I am so short that I feel overwhelmed with the size of them. (I know there are not much longer than the stroller I have now, but I just feel that way) So I finally found a side by side that fits my car seat and is only 5 inches wider than my stroller! It will fit through doorways and I shouldn't have a problem steering it - especially since it has fully rotating tires in the front. Anyways, we will not buy it for another month or so, but I am excited that I finally found one.

Still can not find a crib I like (that is not insanely expensive), but one will come up. I just have my eyes out and will keep looking online too.

I am feeling some what unprepared for this birth, which may sound weird since I just went through it 10 months ago. I can't really explain it any better than that..... maybe once I start working again I might feel a bit more like....well myself I guess.

Anyways, off to cuddle with my monkey! Enjoy ~

hi ho, hi ho......

2010-12-27T18:57:00.000-06:00

So my last post got more comments than I was expecting - people calling me, facebooking me private messages, etc. I really appreciate the support and kind words. I loved hearing that this happened to them (Thanks Mrs. M), that they wanted this experience to be positive for me (Thanks Mrs. T) and that overall they were happy for me/us (Thanks mom). Anyways, I am still feeling like some family and friends are more excited for us than others, and I am still hearing some negativity swirl, but just know that I am just as excited for Bug's arrival as I was for Mika's.

But now the real reason for the post - I am going back to work in one week! I can't believe 10 months has flown by and that in one week I will have just finished my very first shift back. My position has changed, and many of my coworkers have as well. I have been in the office for training this month, and although there are many changes, there are many things that will be the same. I am looking forward to focusing a little more on things outside my house and enjoying the time I do have with Mika when we are home together. (not that I don't enjoy it now, but you have to be positive about this kind of thing) My mom will be watching Meeks for the 5 months that I am back which could not be a better situation. (at least for us.........) We are really lucky to have one set of grandparents that is retired and is interested enough to volunteer to do this for us. I have searched high and low for daycare and nothing has worked out. I still have my eyes open, and am thinking about a nanny 2 days a week to give my mom a break, but we will see what happens with Joel.

Joel is back to Bissett next Wednesday and will be gone for 2 weeks confirmed. He believes it will likely be 3 weeks, but we will cross that bridge when it comes. He will then be home for at least a week. I did really well while Joel was away and even hosted 2 dinners at my house. Okay so one was delivery, but I still get credit for having the house "company ready". I have a new respect for single moms, but overall I think I managed very well.

Mika's first Christmas was more exciting for me than for her, but as a family we really enjoyed ourselves. I bought everyone some really good gifts this year. Joel got (among other things) a CAT dump truck, boot warmers, side cutters, the game Risk, and Mario Kart for Wii. My parents were surprised by their gift and although Barb's was fairly low key in terms of excitement, I had fun picking out Martin's. Walnut even saw a gift or 2 from Auntie Ash and Uncle Joel this year. Mika was beyond spoiled and plays with about 1/4 of her presents. But I am rotating her toys so she won't see the others for another 2 weeks. I did bring a few over to my moms as well since she will have her 5 days a week I thought it only fair to at least supply some toys that she can return once Meeks is home.

Today we did some much needed shopping for household things - 2 shelving units for Mika's toy room, primer for her new room, the fabric for her new bedspread, new outdoor lights, and some odds and ends. The only place that was really busy was Walmart, but that's really to be expected.

Anyways, here are a few of my favourite pictures ~ Enjoy!

Mika with her new Black and Decker tool set from GG. Daddy made her wear the safety glasses

My little present!

My 3 monkeys opening gifts together

Daddy sharing his CAT dump truck with Meeks

Meeks watching her new train from nana and papa

Meeks preparing for Bug's arrival with a book from Grams and Grumpa

Just saying......

2010-12-16T08:13:00.000-06:00

Ok, here is my rant for the week. It is long overdue as many of these things have been going on for awhile, but today is the day! It is about various comments I have gotten since announcing my pregnancy, which is also why I don't often talk about it..... well, enjoy ~

Bug was planned. Just because we always wanted our kids close and you happened to have waited a couple/few years, doesn't mean it our choice was a mistake.
Thank you for the math lesson, but I have figured out Meeks and Bug will be 15 months apart. I know that is close to some, but it is perfect for our family which is really all that matters.
I am not crazy and if I hear that one more time, I think I might just go crazy on someone.
I do get mat leave, I am returning to work early, but even if I didn't, I would still get mat leave. I called Service Canada myself, so yes I am sure.
Yes I will be busy, I am now too.
Yes I look pregnant, you have a kid and stretch everything out and then get pregnant again right away. Your body doesn't hide it well, add to that I am 5 feet tall with a short torso and where do you expect the baby to go. I have been measured and weighted by the doctor (and continue to every 3 weeks) and there are no concerns. But thank you for yours.
We are not finding out the gender.

Well that's some of the comments that drive me crazy. But I hope you have a good day ~

Missing him

2010-12-13T21:09:00.000-06:00

Joel was hired back shortly after he quit but was transferred to a new job site. Unfortunately that new site is in Bissett, MB. Which means he lives in camp, eats 3 meals a day, has a private room, shared showers, and no computer. Luckily he has cell service, so we text throughout the day, and talk every night. (with the exception of tonight as Joel was very sick and needed to go to bed before I could get Meeks ready) Joel is working 12 hours a day (6am - 6pm) however there have been a few hours spent in the work shack due to how cold it is up there. Joel is making good money for being away from his family and although I am managing just fine, to him I know it is not worth being away. He misses his little girl, and tells me throughout the day and on the phone. He was able to hear her say "dada" the other day (she started saying it the day he left) which I think only added to how much he wants to be home. They aren't exactly sure when they are returning but sometime between the 19th and 23rd. Luckily it is only a 2.5 hour drive, so he will work his shift then come home assuming the weather is okay. I use to wondered when I was pregnant when Joel would realize this baby was coming as he seemed so disinterested and distant from my belly, but the minute she arrived he couldn't take his eyes off her. He is such a great dad and husband, I just can't imagine life without him. I am looking forward to our Christmas holidays together and am glad we have only committed to 2 days of family events.

As for bug, everything is going well. I am feeling great and looking forward to an upcoming ultrasound. We have requested it be at HSC. Heartbeat has been strong the last 4 weeks ranging from 130 - 135 bpm. I made Bug (my mom helped me because I am not super crafty, which means that she pretty much did it) a shirt today. It is actually a maternity shirt for me, but has little multicolored footprints going up it. I tried to print "You have already left footprint on my heart, and will forever more." but we couldn't get the printer to print it mirrored.

I had to work today, only for a few hours, but it was awful. I didn't want to go, and seriously considered calling in. But come January I will have to return if I like it or not, so it was okay to be back in the office. I was fairly new to MTEC when I went on maternity leave (I worked there just over a year), so returning for such a short period is hard as I am kind of "out of the loop". There are 4 new staff members (out of 10!) who I have only recently met, and the other girls are fairly new to me too as I worked upstairs and will now be working with them downstairs.

I am having the families (mine and Joel's) over for dinner Wednesday. A great excuse to play with Meeks and enjoy some adult conversation. Plus Martin has a story I am dying to hear!

Everything else is good, just missing my hubby like crazy. And what's a post without a picture or 2?!

First Santa Visit

Even though it is a yucky old belt of Joel's, their faces are priceless!

Today we remember

2010-12-06T19:52:00.000-06:00

Today we remember Ward Putnam - Joel's grandpa. Although I did not know Ward long, I was always left laughing at his quick and witty comments, his "advice" to Joel about marriage, or even better his advice to Mika about getting your parents to do what you want. I know this house will always remember "what else can I do to help honey?" after everthing is done, and Mika has listened well to calling for mommy in the middle of the night instead of dad. Ward had great stories about his proposal to Jean (his wife of 66 years), the war, golf, curling, his career, Charleswood, his dog Caesar, Jean going into labour (we can't quite go to the hospital yet Jean) and raising his 3 girls. Ward you will be missed.

Sisters

2010-12-04T17:51:00.000-06:00

I remember the very end of my wedding ceremony clearly. I looked right at my maid of honor and new sister and in stereo we yelled "sisters!"

Today reminded me of how much I love having Sarah in my life, and wish she lived closer. For those of you who have the privilege of knowing her, you know what a kind hearted, caring and thoughtful person she is. I find myself completely open and honest with Sarah and she is an amazing listener. She often has wonderful insight (maybe that goes back to her education) that brings me back to reality about any situation. She has a perspective that I respect immensely.

I have vented to Sarah about everything from getting a house, to switching jobs, to being pregnant, to breastfeeding, to sleep issues with Mika and everything in between. It always surprises me how even where Sarah may not have had personal experience (yet), she was able to offer real solutions that didn't make me feel like a bad mom, or a selfish wife, or just a bad person. She has no judgement and such empathy.

Today after a visit with her, I am reminded how much I love her and being apart of the Hayward Family. I am quick to express my worries sometimes, whether it be about the lack of daycare, the sleep issues, going back to work, having another baby coming so close together, or Joel quitting his job, that I thought it was time for a positive post. Besides being extremely grateful for the family Joel and I have created (and that he supports), I have been lucky enough to marry into one that has "taken me". I won't go into a ton of examples, but I feel completely accepted and loved by them. They are quick to help out in (renovations, watching Mika, mopping my floor!) and offer support in any form they can.

Obviously I am just as thankful for my mom and dad, but I will save that post for another day......

Stress Management

2010-12-03T10:27:00.001-06:00

Today Joel quit his job. I am not sure things will work out, but need to trust they will. With an almost 9 month old and one on the way, things must work out. But for now, I will sit and stress while thinking of all the worst case scenarios......

It's True

2010-11-30T18:02:00.000-06:00

It's true, I am expecting another baby in June! Although I do not have a feeling as to it being a boy or girl, I will say when we announced to our parents I was sure it was another girl. We were going to order the onsie, but I couldn't wait to tell them, so here is how it was done....

Front

Back

We dressed Mika in this, then went over to each of our parents. When we got there, we asked the grandma's to change Mika. Joel was more casual with his mom, saying she was hot so she needed to remove the shirt that was covering this up. My mom didn't even notice, so I had to pull off Mika's cover shirt. Both of their faces were priceless ~ Barb actualyl laughed saying "Where did you get this shirt? It looks homemade!" LOL

Blue or Pink?

2010-11-27T19:17:00.000-06:00

It could be pink,
It could be blue,
someone's expecting
Can you guess who?

Ms. Caty

2010-11-21T17:50:00.000-06:00

Here are a few newer pictures of Meeks. She is crawling everywhere, pulling herself to standing on anything she can get her hands on, and standing unassisted when distracted with a toy. She has her bottom teeth (barely) and loves spending time with her family. Especially if it involves swimming - she is a water baby without a doubt! She now hates anything that holds her down or in one place (like her exersaucer or swing). She is a busy little girl who is very curious especially when it is something mom says no to. ;) Come January when I return to work, she will be cared for by my mom, and a nanny if we can find someone we like. I would love daycare, but right now, it just looks like that may not work out. It's okay, it's only temporary anyways........ :)

Getting it out there

2010-11-20T15:29:00.000-06:00

I have taken some time off. Some time for myself. Some time for thinking and reflecting. About life. About changes. About negativity. About being the example I want for Mika and any future children. About being happy with what I have. About facebook. About "friends" on facebook. And I have a few conclusions.....

It is easy to judge when you are not in someone's shoes. I remember when my friend Sarah was at home with her little guy (born one year before Mika) and planning her wedding social. This would have been around this time last year. I remember talking to mutual friends and they wondered "what she did all day". I remember thinking the same thing - what would you do ALL DAY when you have a baby. You must have tons of time to do everything you need to around your house, in your life, etc. WRONG! I am the first to admit I was totally wrong and I owe a huge apology to Sarah. Taking care of Mika is a full time job. Sometimes overwhelming, and sometimes easy peasy. Not one I would change in any way mind you, but a full time job none the less. As some of you know I still work part time for MTEC working on their website and monthly newsletter. This is about an hour a week commitment for website changes/updates and about 4 hours for the newsletter as it also has to be posted to the website and it goes through a lot of proofing. Now I do get paid for this and claim those earnings to EI. But I am finding this more and more difficult to get it done. It often waits until Joel is home so I can have some uninterrupted time, or when I am visiting my mom. I spend my day entertaining my little girl. And when she is happily playing on the floor by herself, I am making dinner, or folding laundry, or making sure she doesn't get into something she isn't supposed to. I am not complaining about this, but I am remembering how I felt even a year ago. How easy it was to judge when really I had absolutely no idea how it felt or what it was like, I just THOUGHT I did.
You can appreciate something with your full heart without fully enjoying every minute. I love being a mom. I was lucky finding a husband who also wanted a family right away, and we were lucky in having our little girl quickly. Now is teething fun, no. Is having her spit food in your face/on your clothes when you are wearing a special outfit on your way out enjoyable? no. But I wouldn't change anything about Mika. She has a personality all on her own, and I love her. But is this sometimes frustrating - yes. I think this kind of goes back to not being in my shoes to judge too.
Complaining: I often will explain Mika's sleep, or lack there of to people when they ask. But my new comment when people ask (and everyone asks) is that even though it is tough now, I know that soon enough I will be looking back wishing I had these days again. That she will be driving before I know it, and will be out until curfew, and I would give anything to be up with her all night again just to know she was safely at home.
Just because something happens quickly in your mind, doesn't mean it was unplanned. Time is what we want it to be. Joel and I bought a house after 3 months of living together. We were engaged 3 months after that, and 3 months later married. To some we rushed, to some we are "crazy", but to us, we just did what felt right. We will leave it at that for now, but I don't appreciate hearing "wow, that must have been an oops!".

Anyways, these are just random thoughts for now. Just needed somewhere to vent them. Now to refocus my energy on something more positive......

taking a break

2010-10-12T08:48:00.000-05:00

Between house renos and a 7 month old baby, I need to take some time away for myself. This means I am taking a break from blogging for a little bit to focus my energy elsewhere. For now, enjoy ~

Short Update

2010-10-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

Time for a short update...

we have determined Joel has a gluten sensitivity, which means I am cooking one meal gluten free
as I have said before, I feel much better when I eat vegetarian, so since I am already making a special meal, I figured why not make 2?!
I sanded and painted out front window all by myself since it had been sitting 1/2 finished for much too long
I managed to finally install the curtains my mother in law made for my laundry room, still need one more panel, but it is looking much better already (thanks mom for the help)
Our back tile is installed, the front has been started but will now take over a week to finish as our tile guy is out of town
Our garage is fully finished
The front of the house has new stucco, the 3 sides should be done early next week, however I keep saying that......
I attended a beautiful baby shower for my cousin ~ baby "Benard" (not actually his name) was very lucky, and the shower was very classy. Gave me lots of ideas for the shower I am planning
I have started, and pretty much finished planning my sister in laws shower for March. I will buy the rest of the items I need when we go to the states next month. About 1/2 are already purchased.
Mika has learned how to grab onto things and pull herself up. She is not steady by any means, but she sure is trying. She is much better and faster at the crawling thing too.
I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner as I have for the past few years, and like in previous years my inlaws are bringing the turkey (thank you!), everyone else is bringing something too, which makes this a stress free event in many ways.
Joel and I went out with my parents for my mom's birthday to Beaujena's Restaurant. If you have never been, seriously GO! It was amazing. A husband and wife team with a surprise menu that is nothing but class. Tried things I never would have, but very delicious!

Think that is it for now, more to come later! Enjoy ~

new stucco, waiting for it to dry....

new garage, still wet

new back entrance tile, remember this is where the stairs were.....

what my house used to look like

what the garage used to look like

A baby on the way....

2010-10-02T10:38:00.000-05:00

no, no, not mine!

My beautiful sister in law and her husband are expecting their first on April 10, 2011 and Joel and I couldn't be more excited to be Aunt and Uncle. Although Sarah isn't feeling great, her excitement shines through, and I know that baby can already feel how much he/she is loved. (for the record my prediction is a girl)

I am already an Aunt to 7 beautiful, and mostly grown up kids. Samantha was my first niece and was born when I was in grade 3 (she just turned 19), and Brett is my youngest nephew who is now 11. Since my brother's kids live in Calgary and my sister's kids live in California, I haven't spent much time getting to know them. Luckily Joel was able to meet 3 of my sister's kids at our wedding where he fell into the role of uncle. Now facebook keeps us connected.

Our family is buzzing with the excitement of a new baby on the way as we all can't wait to meet baby Boaz!

Life is good

2010-09-13T08:44:00.000-05:00

Little peanut is trying hard to figure out this crawling thing....

We spent a weekend at Blue Lake, Meeks liked the mirror at Egli's

Nana feeding Meeks some yummy cereal!

Life is good ~

A little reminder

2010-09-04T13:20:00.000-05:00

My dad owns an electrical company that he still does work out of. In it's prime dad has a crew of guys, but now that my dad is 70 (and should retire but loves what he does), it is just him. He has a few maintenance contracts, one including the condo building he lives at. 2 nights ago they had a power surge and 70+ ballast needed to be changed. Joel had an early Friday at work since it is the long weekend. My dad called him not knowing he was off early and asked if Joel wanted to work Friday night since it was too much work for one man and without hesitation my husband agreed.

My family has always been very important to me, so when I started dating Joel it was a relief to know they already liked him. (my parents knew Joel for years before I did) Today Joel is also helping my dad with a job before we head out to Blue Lake. 3 years ago I began dating Joel on September Long weekend. (sort of for those that actually know our story) Before we were married we celebrated this as our anniversary. For the first one I made Joel a book filled with quotes and pictures of our growing love. Last year I honestly can not remember what we did, but I was pregnant so I deserve a break. :) This year we are headed out to Blue Lake with my in laws to celebrate with Joel's aunt and uncle and friends of the family.

I am often reminded of how much I love Joel with little things he does for me or our family and this weekend was no exception.

When two hearts are committed

To share Life's ebb and flow,
As days become a lifetime,
The Bond of Love will grow.

Step 2

2010-08-25T08:19:00.000-05:00

scratch coat on, stucco likely in a few weeks....

before.....

a little dark, but after so far.....

Remember me?

2010-08-22T15:23:00.001-05:00

I feel sick. To think all those memories are gone for you. To not recall anything from those days. To not remember your childhood. How do you know who you are without knowing where you have been? How you got to where you are? How you became who you are today? I am overwhelmed with emotion. Mostly for you, but some for me. To think I have been erased. I can't help but be flooded with memories, ones that you will never recall. They are engraved in my mind, and yet empty to you. So many. I feel sick.

2010-08-16T06:37:00.001-05:00

http://www.steinbachonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=18527&Itemid=232

http://www.steinbachonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=18546&Itemid=232

This was Dan, the owner's son who was involved in the accident. He was removed from the ventilator yesterday so things are looking up! Great progress Vin, you are doing great. For those who don't know I have been a seasonal at lilac for 20 years, worked there for 7 and was once apart of the family.

Life these days...

2010-08-03T09:19:00.000-05:00

Life these days consists of what feels like a loosing battle of cleaning. Our house is under renovation - again and it is starting to get to me. Not so much the renovation part, I can actually handle that quite well as I get excited for the end project. It is the man behind the renovation that is driving me crazy... Joel! Joel is used to working on a construction site where there is a clean up crew that comes in a takes care of the mess that the guys leave. He forgets that at home that "clean up crew" is his wife and that his wife has enough cleaning without him making a silly mess. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind sweeping up the wood chips from where he drilled in our framing, or even the scattered tools all over my dining room table mess. This is not the part of cleaning that bothers me. I am taking about little things like when he opens a package and then just drops the plastic packaging on the ground when I have left a garbage bag right beside him, or that when he has finished a drink and the can ends up on our lawn instead of in the garage in recycling. I must give him credit though, he is working so hard and has dreamed us into a different house. His renovations start small, but after many hours of thinking, we end up with major changes to our house. Removing stairs, changing where our back entrance is, adding floor, removing walls, adding doors, building shelves, new lights and that is just this project! But all things considered I love the man I married and I love that he takes joy in improving our house. He really is amazing.

my old back door

my new door and a hole where the old was

my old dining room wall

my new dining room still under renovation

The next project.....my old house

stay tuned, new pictures coming shortly......

Another short update

2010-07-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

Possibly found a daycare starting in January 2011 thanks to my mother in law - 2 months before my mat leave is over but I have contacted work about coming back early
Went camping at Rushing River in Ontario with our friends Chris & Sarah and their little guy Ryan - it was beautiful! We had a great time even with the 40+ minute detour, one small trip to the hospital, a flat air mattress, and a little rain.
Mika is still not sleeping well - getting to bed is good, it is that she wakes at 2-4am for play time.....
Mika sat in her high chair for the first time yesterday! So cute
We have started the first of 2 planned major renovations - removing a wall, building another one, closing up our back door, cutting in a new door, re-stuccoing the house, and possibly tiling the entrances.
The second reno is planned for late Sept/Oct (although Joel seems to think November) which will include drywalling a room that is currently wood panelling and brick, tiling the brick fireplace, drywalling the ceiling, adding new and more lights, replacing carpet with hardwood and possibly expanding a bathroom to prepare it for a later reno
It was my sister and Jay's 2nd wedding anniversary yesterday - congrats guys and many more!
This Saturday I am going to the cirque du soleil show Alegria with my mom. (it was my birthday present) We are getting pedicures first though! (happy mother's day momma)

tummy time

camping at Rushing River

high chair

I thought I was over this.....

2010-07-08T06:37:00.000-05:00

Today I spent another morning driving around putting Mika to sleep. (I also had to do this last night and about 5 times in the last 2 weeks) This is week #2 of her sleep problem and I'm starting to loose it. She was doing so well waking only twice a night to feed and straight back to bed. All of a sudden like a switch she mixed up her days and nights. She is taking longer naps during the day - the morning she will sleep from about 8:00am - 10:30am and then her afternoon one is 12ish - 2pm. She is now up every hour, crying, so I put her back to sleep and like clock work no more than an hour can pass and she is awake again - ALL NIGHT! Also she has decided the day starts at 4am.... I know the Haywards are early risers, but...... any suggestions?

Camping Pictures

2010-06-25T07:18:00.000-05:00

Camping was great although Tulabi Falls is a little far. Mika did amazing, and we had a great time. Here are some pictures from the trip. Enjoy ~

on the hike to the falls, you can see them behind me

daddy and I sitting by the fire

lounging on the chair

opening father's day presents

(Short) Update!

2010-06-15T11:01:00.000-05:00

I don't have time for a long post, but to update you this is what we have been up to:

We have spent every weekend at Lilac helping my parents build their new addition which is almost done (sort of)
We took Mika swimming for the first time on Sunday
We are going on our first family camping trip this weekend to Nopiming where there is no electricity or water - outhouses and a baby, we will see....... at least the puppy is staying behind with my parents!
Mika is "talking" a lot more, smiling all the time, loves songs and funny faces, snorts when she laughs, loves to stand and pull herself up and is learning her hands
We have a doc appointment tomorrow
I went for a 2 hour walk yesterday - up Fermor, down St. Anne's, up Bishop, down Lakwood and home - it felt great!
We have planned a second camping trip with Chris, Sarah and Ryan in July
I will spend my first 2 nights away from Joel next weekend as he is camping for Chris's stag - I honestly do not think we have spent a night apart since he moved home. (small exceptions - he was working long hours at hydro and the night of Martin's heart attack)
I have "joined" a drop in stroller walking group on Tuesdays and Thursday. My first one will be this week
Overall life is good, Enjoy ~

Swimming with Daddy

Tummy Time - the only way I will let mommy do it is on my change table

More swimming!

Finally Ready

2010-06-01T14:18:00.001-05:00

Okay so after writing, rewriting and finally just deleting my last post, I decided to try again.

As a first time mom I received a lot of advice while pregnant. There were tons of moms in my life who offered their advice or told me about their experiences. Many were very helpful - topics ranged from cravings, to labour, to breastfeeding, but the one that caught me off guard was baby blues. With one exception I received no warning about the baby blues or how I would feel once the baby was here. I read tons of books during pregnancy but just like the c-section topic, I skipped the postpartum depression in almost every book. The one chapter I did read just seemed so extreme that there was no way I could possibly feel like that. But as soon as Mika was born, I was feeling part of what that book talked about.

Baby blues or postpartum depression is not shared as an experience and often judged by others. I felt (similar to breastfeeding) a lot of pressure to “be a good mom” and “know my baby”. But I didn’t know this little person. I knew she grew in me and my body created her (mind blowing to think about really) but that didn’t equal love to me. I often said when pregnant that I wasn’t sure if I fully understood that a little person was going to emerge from me - often I would hear “Oh Ash, just wait until the baby is here, you won’t even remember what your life was like before her.“ But I did. I remembered it well. I wanted it back. Everyone else who met Mika seemed to love her, but why didn’t I feel that way? Joel was completely taken back by his little girl, he couldn’t get enough of her and yet I sat there wondering if I just made a huge mistake. (a little late to wonder, I know) I would hear what a natural mother I was, and I would feel resentment. I felt more like a failure - I was supposed to love this little person with all my heart, and I just didn’t feel like that.

Now in the chapters I did read, a lot of postpartum topics centered around feelings of wanting to hurt your child (this was never the case) or hurt yourself. (again I never felt like that) It was more of a feeling of being lost. I was lost as a person in this adjustment period and I needed to learn how to go from a wife, to a mother while still taking care of myself as a woman. Furthermore, I needed to learn how to cope with changing from a couple to a family.

When the nurse came to visit us to see how we were managing now “as a family”, I put on a good front and made it seem like everything was fine. Similarly to the books, postpartum topics she discussed focused on thoughts of suicide or wanting to hurt the baby. She provided numbers for mobile crisis units and help line numbers. Since done of these applied to me and my feelings, I easily jumped to the conclusion that I didn’t suffer from baby blues. I suffered silently with these feelings and thinking no one understood for almost 2 months.
It was only once I leaned on a few mothers that I trusted to be completely free from judgement that I realized what I was going through was completely normal. Many of them had the same feelings after giving birth. It is hard to explain to someone who has never felt this way, but when you are pregnant every topic centers around you. They care about how you are feeling, they open doors for you, generally speaking, people are very nice to pregnant women. But once that little person emerges, the focus is redirected. Everything becomes about the baby and you, as a person, are forgotten about - or that is how it feels. Even when someone does ask, “And how are you doing?”, it never really seems appropriate to answer that question in full honesty, so “I’m doing really good” became my standard response.

I watched a news story during this time where a mother of a one year old took off with her online boyfriend leaving behind her husband with her daughter. She did not leave a note about her choice in leaving, simply took off. Her husband, extremely worried about her whereabouts filed a missing persons report. After several days of looking for her, the police found her unharmed with this new gentleman in her life. The news showcased her as a terrible person and mother, saying she should have cared enough to leave a note behind. She explained that she felt like no one would miss her if she left, and this new boyfriend loved her, and that she knew her daughter would be safe with her dad. I understood this woman, I related to her. Although I never felt like leaving, I understood how she could feel that way. It was simply an extreme case of what I was feeling.

Once I finally understood my feelings, I was able to share them with Joel. That was a huge deal for me, and probably for him as well. I was moody and irrational up to that point. Nothing Joel did was good enough for me - at first it was that he was not helping (I’m not exactly sure how I expected him to help me breastfeed, but I know I wanted his help) then when he did help, it was not in areas I wanted help so I would complain at him (not to him - AT him), then when he listened to my request of helping in these new areas, he just simply wasn’t doing it right.

I think near the time I was finally coming to understand what I was feeling, he was getting frustrated with me so opening up and finally sharing was not only a huge relief for me, but I think a huge relief for him. We talked about solutions, but really the only solution was time. Having his support from the beginning would have been easier, but I just wasn’t sure how to tell him or where to start. Getting to know Mika made a big difference in feeling like a mother (the smiles especially helped), and having Joel remind me that I am important too and not simply a milk truck made a world of difference. I still sometimes have blue days, but generally speaking I am feeling much more like myself and really enjoy being a mom.

Anyways, I hope I haven’t offended anyone and I now finally am doing very well. I love being a mom and can not imagine my life without her or before her ~