A little bit crazy ~updated~

I've been reading a lot lately, I've come across some interesting references.  The latest was in the book Fallout by Ellen Hopkins.  It is actually the third in a series, but I haven't read the first two.  It is written from the perspective of 3 children of the same meth addict although they live very different lives. (the first 2 in the series are written from the meth addicts perspective) One of the daughters talks about OCD, panic attacks and being "just a little bit crazy".  It got me thinking about myself and my own "little bit of crazy".

I've often eluded to my OCD, I've joked about my obsessions, mentioned my superstitions, but I'm not sure if I've ever really taken the time to let people understand although part of me is kidding, a larger part is not.

For as long as I can remember I've had little superstitions, but not what some might expect.  It's not the normal lucky rabbits foot, or saying "rabbit rabbit" on the first of the month to bring good luck all month. (Thanks D for that one, I still remember you telling me your dad did that every month when we were in grade 3) it's not avoiding the number 13, or not walking user ladders. (Although that does make me uncomfortable)

Mine center around objects.  Around random mundane things.  Logically I know luck isn't based on what hair elastic I use, or what pair of underwear I wear, but in my little bit of crazy mind, these things matter. 

It spreads like wild fire and enters other parts of my life.  I keep a cleaning schedule because it is an obsession I can't ignore.  Very rarely have I ever been able to turn this off, but having kids has helped it. I have had to let some things go, at least in the short term to still allow my kids to be kids, explore and play, but as soon as they are done with an activity, it is like something is not right in my world.  I need to clean it up.  I need to make it right again.

I noticed this most recently when my hubby J offered to help while we prepared to host Christmas dinner with family.  I knew I wasn't going to clean like crazy because in all reality I'd just need to do it again once everyone left, but still things needed to be freshened up. Joel laughed at me because what started with "I'm just going to clean the bathrooms" turned into a full out clean in some areas. But that's not what I noticed.  When I noticed my little bit of crazy start talking to me was when Joel offered to vacuum the downstairs.  It's something I can usually let Joel do, so I happily took him up on his offer.  Until I came downstairs.  I could feel the voice start talking.  I could tell my palms were getting sticky and I knew I had two choices. 

So how do you mess up vacuuming a room?  Well you don't really.  Except when I vacuum I use straight lines.  Our carpet it the type that the vacuum leaves marks, and I need those lines to be straight.  To be even.  To be present.  While J did vacuum his way, his way included random lines.  To him, as long as it was all done, who cared where he started and ended?! Except he forgot about the monster that lives inside of me.  I realized as I walked down the stairs and my immediate reaction was to re vacuum a just vacuumed floor that my crazy was talking too loudly.  It was time to take some time away, go back up stairs and not think about it.  Although it took EVERY piece of me not to redo something my hubby so sweetly did for me, it was hard. 

It is hard to put these feelings into words.  I've never had to before.  I'm not even sure if my own parents realize how I deal with these things on a daily basis.   J notices it and sometimes comments, but I try to let some feelings and urges simmer.  I have it easy from a lot of people, I don't wash my hands 17 times, but I do make sure the volume on the TV is on an even number (unless it is a, multiple of 5, then an exception is made, except for 5 itself).  I don't unlock and lock the doors over and over again, but I do wait for the garage door to close all the way before getting out of sight.  I don't count how many brush strokes I use daily to brush my hair, but I do keep track of certain clothing options that can not go together because of what might occur, underwear that I deem "bad luck", and sunglasses that have been thrown away because of the days outcome when I wore them.

It's funny because even though I know most people probably do not have these little habits in their life, I am finding it hard to recall them as I write.  I need to think really hard about the things I do because ultimately I do them because I feel that's the way it should be.

I don't really have an ending to this post, so I'll just leave it as here is a little insight into my life and hopefully you can better understand me as a person.

Grateful

Recently I read an interesting and somewhat offensive article about raising grateful children.  It got me thinking about how I raise my girls.  I teach them manners, yes, but so I show them to be grateful?  Am I a good role model?  Well according to the article only a bit.  (here's where I got offended)

I do my best to show the girls the art of being kind and doing kind things to and for others.  We have done little gestures like leave cookies or cupcakes that we made together at relatives doors, we've donated to our local food bank and hamper both home made and other food items that were in need.  When we have birthdays or Christmas we take as many toys that are received and coming into the home from our "old" toys and donate them to a shelter for women who are leaving abusive relationships.  We've done other gestures like surprise a family member with a clean house when we knew they needed a lift.  We volunteer our time when we can including sorting baby packages for crisis pregnancy families and helping with a local moms group.  We use our resources to spread love to others as best we can.  And in my case I can confidently say I think I'm successful at this.  I work hard, and I feel like my girls are not only polite, but get that giving is important.  If not financially then by gestures that can simply brighten someones day.

So why was I offended?  Well it talked about living frugally and teaching children to appreciate all they have without having anything flashy.  This as a family, we fail at.  Not because we want bigger and better, but because J lives in a room 4 weeks at a time.  A ROOM.  Not a small house, not a room with a private bathroom, A SINGLE ROOM.  He showers with others every day, he goes to the bathroom in a room full of men, he eats with many other people at his table.  This may or may not seem like a big deal to some, but if you knew my husband's personally and his true dislike for people (really there is no way to beat around the bush when it comes to this), you'd understand how hard this life is for him.  So why do it?!  He LOVES the work.  He starts talking about mining, the equipment, the guys, and you can see him, he's excited.  He really loves what he does.  But with that comes apart that he doesn't like, so when it came to buying a house he was fairly particular.  He wanted certain things contained in that house. Now it wasn't all him, I liked the house too.  Actually I was the original one to see it.  But I still feel like my kids can appreciate and be grateful living in the home they live in, watching the tv that is larger than it needs to be, playing outside in an over sized yard, and playing with more toys than anyone really needs.

Now will I let this article ruin my day, or change how I raise my kids? no.  But did it make me look on my life and realize I am doing something good with them.  Even something amazing.  i am teaching them not only to be poliet, and to be grateful, but to be kind and generous.  I am teaching them that we can enjoy what we have and still share with others.  We can help when we are called upon, and even sometimes when we are not.  I am teaching them responsibility, and I instill values that are important to me.  I passed along my need for clean, but that's okay. The girls know to clean up their toys before we go out, Big M makes her bed, and little M helps with laundry. 

I think I sometimes doubt myself, I doubt what I'm doing with my kids.  I doubt if I'm teaching them enough, or playing with them enough, but in the end I can honestly say I think I'm doing ok.  Who knows how they will turn out, but I'm happy with who they are today.

Time for a change!

So I've been thinking about this for awhile, but I think it's time for a blog change. I've decided to stop the focus on me, my life and my observations and refocus it on my recipes, the parties I host, the "crafty" side (or attempts anyways), and favourite products, ingredients, sites, etc.

So here we go!

Last night I hosted a dinner party for 6 plus 5 children. I made for an appetizer a butter puff pastry filled with Brie and brown sugar. This is one of the easiest recipes to make, and could easily be a dessert! Confession: I totally bought the butter puff pastry :) I just cut the pastry, then put them in mini muffin tins, put a piece of Brie and a good topping of brown sugar. I baked then in a 350 degree oven until cheese was melted, bubbling and pastry was golden brown!

For dinner I made Greek chicken served over a Greek pasta. This is also super easy and has been adapted from a recipe an old boyfriends mom found in a men's health magazine. First i start the water boiling for the pasta then I cube the chicken, and fry it in sun dried tomato oil and Greek seasoning. The sun dried tomato oil is just from the jar of oil packed sliced sun dried tomatoes that I will later use in the vegetable mix. Once it's cooked I set it aside. Usually by then the water is boiling and I start the pasta. I had already prepped the veggies, so in a wok, I fried multicoloured sweet peppers, onions, black olives (sliced and drained), roasted red peppers (found in a jar, drained and sliced), mushrooms, marinated artichokes and the sun dried tomatoes. I continue to heat this until the onion is cooked. Pasta is usually ready by now, so I strain it and put it in the serving bowl. I then top it with my vegetable mix and feta (lots cause I love feta!). I serve this family style cause I think it works well like that. The pasta doesn't have a sauce per say, but the vegetables have so much flavour, that it really doesn't need it - plus why add the calories if you don't need to?! The kids ate the pasta, some with topping, some just plain, and it worked well to accommodate everyone. (some kids ate whatever their parents brought for them)

I also took a loaf of French bread, sliced it, buttered it, seasoned it with Greek seasoning, and topped it with cheese. Then I tossed a quick Greek salad and we were set! I use the clubhouse Greek seasoning which is a great mix and packed full of flavour.

Tonight I am making a dinner for my mother in laws birthday. We decided on rack of lamb seasoned with garlic and rosemary to remind her of when their family used to raise and eat a lot of lamb. One day I will find someone local to supply us with lamb at a more reasonable price, but for today it was New Zealand lamb.

I decided to make a simple Caesar salad and steamed asparagus to side this. Then in the crockpot I sliced a pound of bacon, added small potatoes and a package of ranch seasoning, mixed it all together and let that cook down. There is no liquid in this because as the bacon cooks, it releases fat which the potatoes absorb and cook in.  All in all, real simple. (Thank you Pinterest!) Then because I will not eat the lamb and would like more than just sides for dinner, I made a mushroom soup from a cookbook I received as a gift for my wedding. It has a lot of gourmet recipes, so I don't use it often but when I do they are always great! I sliced 2 lbs of cremini mushrooms (which are mini portabellas if you're wondering) and sautéed that with a little butter. As they softened, I added one chopped white onion and salt and pepper. As they began to soften, I added some white wine. I had some left in the fridge from our company yesterday so it was probably about 2 cups. That absorbed and I added 2 tablespoons of flour, 1 cup heavy cream and 2 cups vegetable stock. Then I took out about 2 cups of the soup and blended it with some lemon juice and thyme. Once it was a thick purée, I added it back and let it simmer most of the day. I will serve this with a toasted baguette topped with Brie. I wanted to add another side, so I sliced tomatoes, seasoned them with vegetable seasoning, topped them with Kraft shredded Parmesan cheese and baked them for about 15 minutes until the Parmesan was melted. It's a simple side that adds some nice color to a plate. 

For dessert since my mother in law does not eat chocolate, and the birthday cake recipe in the themed cookbook was for a chocolate fudge cake, I found a recipe for poached pears. I'm changing it a bit as I don't want to serve it crazy fancy, and I'd like it to be more of a topping for the ice cream so I will dice the pears. They will be sautéed with cinnamon, apple cider, nutmeg, and brown sugar. Once they are cooked down, I will make a homemade caramel spiced with cinnamon and a hint of cayenne.  This will then be served warm over the vanilla ice cream and pears. (The original recipe has the pears served whole and cold, with lemon sorbet)

Whenever J is home I do some "deep cleaning" that I just cant do when he is away. In the past it has always focused on the girls closets.  Packing away the outgrown and out of season, labelling the bin, and adding it to storage, while hanging up all of the new clothes that fit or will fit soon. 

Today I pulled in a ladder and cleaned above every single door frame upstairs as well as washed the inside of every upstairs window.  This may seem like not a big deal, but the house still has drywall dust from being built above the door frames and it really was time this was done!  I had J move the ladder downstairs and tomorrow the basement will get the same treatment.

Often I get asked about how I keep my house clean, or organized, and one of my favourite tips is using daylight savings as a reminder to do things you don't normally do in your routine.  In this case, I used "fall behind" as cleaning all my horizontals.  Come "spring ahead" I will clean all the verticals (including the walls).  The baseboards are still on the to do list but likely that will get done slowly as J's time home is quickly coming to a close.  I think I will just have to tackle these once room at a time to make sure they get done in the next couple of weeks.

On another cleaning note, I found a "recipe" for homemade shower cleaner on Pinterest that was made simply with vinegar and dawn dish soap. I made this before J got home, placed it in a spray bottle and headed into the 2 bathrooms we use to try it out.  Seriously, this was one of the toughest cleaners I've seen!  I often struggle with the shower as not a lot of cleaning products can cut the soap scrum.  When you have 2 little ones who are always bathing, it's important to make sure the product(s) you are using actually get this done.  So, although the vinegar/soap mix doesn't smell great (actually, I make sure to run the bathroom fan as it's quite strong smelling) it really works well!

Anyways, that's this weeks entry! Hope the new format works out. :)

The 30 day challenge

So here is the accountability part of my challenge - announcing it to the "world"..... or at least those that take the time to read this, about my 30 day challenge.

I am going raw vegan for 30 days.  The idea of vegan has always appealed to me since I became a vegetarian, but most of the vegan websites I have visited included items I don't particularly enjoy eating, like tofu or tempeh.  So when I started researching the raw movement, it really appealed to me.

I recently watched the documentary Food, Inc. which made me realize something new about myself.... I always thought I was a vegetarian mostly because I never missed meat, I never craved it, I felt better without it, etc. I never thought it was ethical..... until that movie.  I still have thoughts of watching them kill and butcher the chickens. It actually disturbed me greatly in a way I never thought. If you have the chance to view that documentary, I highly recommend it. It talks about todays corn, culture, GMOs and many other really interesting facts about food in todays culture. 

So what does eating raw mean?  Well there are basically 2 ways to consume enough calories - obtaining calories from carbs in the form of fruit or obtaining calories from fat such as nuts and avocado.  I will be experimenting with consuming mostly fruit although encorporating fat at one meal minimum.  The rules are fairly simple - eat fruit and vegetables that haven't been cooked. Although most long term raw eaters purchase a dehydrator, I don't believe thats necessary. I unlike some will also remove all sweeteners from my diet including agave syrup, honey (which wouldn't be vegan if I included it just to be clear), stevia, etc.

So here's the second part to the challenge..... not buying anything except food and necessities (like tolietries) for 30 days. There is a lot of reasons for this, but I think we really overdo it with what we aquire. I brought so many items over the last month to agape house, baby blessings, and the thift store and thought each and every time, if I just wouldn't have purchased it in the first place, we would be 'x' dollars richer and I wouldn't be driving here wasting time donating it. (not that I think donating is a waste of time, but follow where I am going with this)  So 30 days near Christmas makes perfect sense to me.

So wish me luck, I may need it as I enter an extreme detox and face new challenges I've never encountered. I was thinking I'd start later this week, but as I've wrote this, maybe tomorrow is as good as any?!

Missing...

So I've been kind of a missing person lately. Instead of jumping in and updating you, including the celebration we had for little Bug who turned a year at the end of June, I decided to go back to the basics...... so without further delay, enjoy ~

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey for a change - it's all about your first (possibly only) born! Just copy and paste it.

Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes. Both of them were. Sometimes I think I was crazy, but most of the time I'm so thankful.

2. WHAT was your 2nd choice name or your opposite gender name? Aiden was our boys name, however we likely would have spelled it differently

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Very excited. I cried of course.

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 25 when she was born

5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I took a pregnancy test, told J, then went to a walk in to confirm it

6. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? obviously J, then my parents, J's parents, and S&J.

7. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? nope, but sometimes I wonder if it would have changed the experience. (neither good or bad, just curious, you know?!)

8. DUE DATE? Peanut's due date was March 11 2010

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? nope

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? junk and lots of it! I had a slurpee almost everyday and burgers and fries. Near the end it was lots of bananas and banana pancakes. (strange cause i hate pancakes - a lot!)

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? What didn't irritate me?! Mostly doubt about my birth plan, or questioning why we were/weren't doing something already. basically judgement and advice was right up there on my list.

12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? female

13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX ? nope, I don't know what I would have done with a boy - haha!

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? about 65! I was HUGE! (totally my own doing)

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? yes I did!

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew, and it was amazing!

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? a little scare, but not a complication

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? St.Boniface Hospital, Winnipeg

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? hard to say, knew I was in labour at about 3am, didn't get into the hospital until 2pm, gave birth at 6:30pm, so depends what you count.

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?  J, in a state of panic!

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? J, and about 10 nurses

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? no

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 6lbs. 7oz.

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ? March 5 2010

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Peanut ;)

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? Peanut is 2 years, 5 months

28. WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN? depends when you ask me. Sometimes I think we'll have 3, but most of the time I am quite happy with my 2 little girls!

Happy 1/2 Birthday Monkey!

So here's whats been going on.... my secret stayed a secret until about 11:30am Saturday.  As we walked out of swimming into thunder, tons of lightening and lots and lots of rain, there was no way I figured adrenaline was going to come together for J's half birthday. So I spilled the beans about my plans and pouted while I explained how disappointed I was...... how wrong was I?! The skies cleared and the rain held off and we were able to (at least attempt) the ropes and climbing course at Adrenaline Adventures!


For those of you who are wondering why we were celebrating a 1/2 birthday, here's the deal.  J's birthday is Jan 31, mine is Jan 21 and S is Jan 25! 3 birthdays within 10 days of each other in our family usually means dinner or whatever I want to do. (Thanks S for being such a good sport too!) Anyways, J never complains and always just goes with the flow (granted he doesn't plan anything so he should just go with it, but that's another story). This year I decided to do something completed geared for him. So I made a reservation for 10 of us go try the ropes and climbing course at Adrenaline which included zip lining. I ordered a special Kokanee cake, and had our friends and family keep it a secret for months. :)


Now what's the deal with Adrenaline you ask? Well for starters I think it's opened a little premature. It needs work, help with customer service and management. But having worked with a few start ups (opening some BPs and Lilac when it was still growing) I know this takes a ton of work, a lot of hours, and usually they don't quite have the funds to pay a person properly to get a really good dedicated manager. It's not quite set up for groups yet and the course is well......

The course itself is not for the weak. It's actually not for a lot of people. It is designed with a few flaws in my opinion and it was tough. Not just physically tough, but emotionally disappointing. As I read on their website that a 4 year old could complete the course, I thought, 'oh it's just a fun course that is built up high.' Not really the case. Now, do not get me wrong..... it was TONS of fun. And I would go back. I would try my best again. BUT it was frustrating. It was hard to try climbing to wall over and over again while being physically exhausted and knowing you are so close, yet so far away. I will tell you this.... I never made it to the course.  But 3 men in our group did and J said it was a lot of fun.


I did have a few complaints, among them were when I called to confirm our reservation at about 11:30am and see how the weather was there, they never mentioned there was no power. We had a reservation to eat in their restaurant, but with no power that meant no restaurant. Had they told me, I could have made other arrangements at that point. It was fine, we went to BP Kenaston who accommodated our group and we had an amazing server, but it was more the point of it.  This also meant you had to pay cash as their debit and credit machines were down. Again, had I known, when I confirmed with our friends & family, I could have made sure they had cash on hand to pay for their drinks (warm) from the bar. (As a side note, I'm pretty sure you aren't allowed to serve if you have no power, and with no emergency lights on in the bathroom, I'm also pretty sure you have to close for safety reasons)


Having no easy way up the course made it so 70% of our group could not participate although they tried.  Ziplining was only accessible if you could make it up, so our group was stuck watching. Because of the weather, we were also not able to go xorbing, which was disappointing as it would have provided at least something for the observers to participate in.  The wake boarding was also closed due to no power.


But even with all of this, I'm happy with the day, I'm glad we did it, and it was tons of fun! Here's a few pictures

J, C, and K (who is scared of heights) on the first level of the course

Me climbing the wall, never made it much further

Birthday Cake courtesy of Sunrise Mosaics - check them out on Facebook

Unsensored

This blog has received a lot of reads lately by many people I never expected. First im sorry to hurt you. This blog is used as a personal and unsensored account of daily life, my opinions, and observations. I sometimes forget with it being online, its online for any one to read. I never edit my posts, they are written exactly how I'm feeling at the time. I never think about others feelings, but maybe i should. That being said the last post did come out harsh and that was never my intention. I'm sorry again.