Getting it out there

I have taken some time off.  Some time for myself.  Some time for thinking and reflecting.  About life.  About changes.  About negativity.  About being the example I want for Mika and any future children.  About being happy with what I have.  About facebook.  About "friends" on facebook.  And I have a few conclusions.....

• It is easy to judge when you are not in someone's shoes.  I remember when my friend Sarah was at home with her little guy (born one year before Mika) and planning her wedding social.  This would have been around this time last year.  I remember talking to mutual friends and they wondered "what she did all day".  I remember thinking the same thing - what would you do ALL DAY when you have a baby.  You must have tons of time to do everything you need to around your house, in your life, etc.  WRONG! I am the first to admit I was totally wrong and I owe a huge apology to Sarah.  Taking care of Mika is a full time job.  Sometimes overwhelming, and sometimes easy peasy.  Not one I would change in any way mind you, but a full time job none the less.  As some of you know I still work part time for MTEC working on their website and monthly newsletter.  This is about an hour a week commitment for website changes/updates and about 4 hours for the newsletter as it also has to be posted to the website and it goes through a lot of proofing.  Now I do get paid for this and claim those earnings to EI.  But I am finding this more and more difficult to get it done.  It often waits until Joel is home so I can have some uninterrupted time, or when I am visiting my mom.  I spend my day entertaining my little girl.  And when she is happily playing on the floor by herself, I am making dinner, or folding laundry, or making sure she doesn't get into something she isn't supposed to. I am not complaining about this, but I am remembering how I felt even a year ago. How easy it was to judge when really I had absolutely no idea how it felt or what it was like, I just THOUGHT I did.
• You can appreciate something with your full heart without fully enjoying every minute.  I love being a mom. I was lucky finding a husband who also wanted a family right away, and we were lucky in having our little girl quickly.  Now is teething fun, no. Is having her spit food in your face/on your clothes when you are wearing a special outfit on your way out enjoyable? no.  But I wouldn't change anything about Mika.  She has a personality all on her own, and I love her.  But is this sometimes frustrating - yes.  I think this kind of goes back to not being in my shoes to judge too.
• Complaining: I often will explain Mika's sleep, or lack there of to people when they ask.  But my new comment when people ask (and everyone asks) is that even though it is tough now, I know that soon enough I will be looking back wishing I had these days again.  That she will be driving before I know it, and will be out until curfew, and I would give anything to be up with her all night again just to know she was safely at home. 
• Just because something happens quickly in your mind, doesn't mean it was unplanned. Time is what we want it to be.  Joel and I bought a house after 3 months of living together.  We were engaged 3 months after that, and 3 months later married. To some we rushed, to some we are "crazy", but to us, we just did what felt right.  We will leave it at that for now, but I don't appreciate hearing "wow, that must have been an oops!". 

Anyways, these are just random thoughts for now. Just needed somewhere to vent them.  Now to refocus my energy on something more positive......