I'll admit, I cried.....

I have never been "connected" to breastfeeding.  It was something I wanted to do for the benefits to my girls, but I was never "into" it.  I read an article today about extended breastfeeding. (breastfeeding past the first year) I never and I mean NEVER even considered this with Peanut or Bug.  I had a lot of the same feelings as the mom who wrote the article ~ "If they can ask for it, they're too old." 

However as I read her story and how her thoughts and opinions changed, I cried. She talked about the special bond it created, the love your child has for you while they look up and nurse.  She talked about how it was a different relationship with the second child, less time to bond, and more of a duty. But still she tried to make it special, make it that child's mommy time.  Special cuddles just for them. 

She then talked about how her 3rd child (18 months) is currently still nursing, but that she thinks it might be coming to an end.  And how she mourned the end of that relationship.  How this was her last baby and this was the last "baby" thing her little one would do.  It made me think about my own family.  How many times have I spent puttering on my phone or watched TV, or had my attention anywhere but on my precious child at the time.  How many times did I truly take the time to appreciate those little coos and noises they each made while they fed?

Although I am not sure Bug will be our last child, she might be. This breaks my heart in a lot of ways.  I never really put it together that this might be my last baby.  That when Bug weans from breastfeeding, it could be the last time I ever experience that with a child.  Did I while pregnant, wishing for the last month to be over, ever really think that this would be the last kick I felt?

I know how fast the last 18 months have gone by with Peanut, how much she has changed, learned, grown, and developed physically, mentally and emotionally. She really is her own little person with feelings, opinions and her own personality.  Am I really taking the time each day to appreciate Bug, as she develops from my little baby into her own person? It's time to go cuddle with my little one before she gets too old to want to, but for all the mommys and mommy-to-bes out there that read this, ask yourself - Are you really appreciating the present?