A Family of 4 is just around the corner.....

Have you ever had something you looked forward to for so long and then when it got close to the date became terrified?! This is my life these days.  I am nervous. I am worried. I am overwhelmed. I am scared. I wonder how my days with 2 babies will be filled. I wonder if I will be a good enough mom. I wonder how I will share my time between them.  I wonder how I will love them equally. I wonder if Mika will feel cheated. I wonder if Mika will still feel how much we love her.  I wonder about how life will be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years....... I wonder......

And yet in all of this wondering, I know things will work out.  I remember feeling this way before Mika.  I wondered how different life would be once we became a family of 3.  I remember no matter how much control I wanted and was used to, I couldn't plan "the unknown".  I think had I planned the wedding we originally set out for, I would have felt this way about that too.  Everything has always worked out, it's just scary to think about how different life will be.

I am 39 weeks today - June 10th.  Mika was born at 39 weeks + 1 day which makes me think any day now could be "the" day.

Joel is home and I am loving have him here. He has been a huge help in taking care of Mika, especially at night. He hasn't started any home renovations which I am thankful for as I think he knows I just want some "quiet" time.  He is already bored however, and I think already wishing he could be working on something......

At my last midwife appointment everything was good. The hb was in the 140's and baby's head was low. She was unable to move it anymore which means they have engaged into birthing position. I was 2 cm dilated.  I have another appointment Monday so we will see how things have progressed then, for now we are just spending time as a family of 3 before the new chapter in our life begins.