misunderstood

It's days like yesterday that make it painful obvious to me very few people "get" me. I made a comment about being frustrated on my facebook status and received a lot of advice of being patient, things to try to induce labor, etc.  Now I'm sorry if this comes across rude, but seriously I get the baby is on its way out. I realize I won't be pregnant for much longer, and that they won't let Bug stay in there past 42 weeks. That being said, that was only part of the frustration. It is frustrating to hear everything is the same as it was weeks ago. BUT that is not what my status was ultimately about. 

My status was about all the feelings that have returned to my life.  I am scared. Joel leaves tonight to head back to Bissett and I am left alone. I am alone with a 15 month old and a due date that has come and gone.  I am alone in the middle of the night. Yes, I have family that I will call when I go into labour who will watch Mika, not what I'm getting at.  Joel was such a huge support and comfort for me last time.  I am confident he can make it home for the actual delivery. Again, not the point.  It is all of the before things.  It is packing up the car, it is taking care of Mika until my parents get here, or driving me to the hospital, or anything else I might need.  It may sound silly to some, actually to most apparently, but most people have their partners at home so those people shouldn't judge as they have no idea what this is like. 

I am worried about when to call Joel and how to get ahold of him.  If he is in the mine, there is a whole set of things that need to happen to get ahold of him and inform him he needs to come home.  This likely will add an hour to the travel time. That is an extra hour I am alone.  I am by myself trying to deal with the pain, excitement, and worry that the birthing experience brings.  The travel is bad right now as the road to and from Bissett is in rough shape.  It will take him 3 hours this time of year to get to our house.  Again, even if I go into labour when he is not in the mine, that is 3 hours of being scared with no reassurance by myself.

I'm frustrated that people don't understand this.  I'm frustrated people judge me and assume it is just that I don't want to be pregnant anymore.  Actually, in all honesty I don't mind being pregnant - I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 2 years. (true story ~ 9 months with Mika plus 6 months of breastfeeding plus 9 months with Bug)  Although some days are hard being pregnant with a little one, I know the reward is just around the corner and things might be harder before they get easier, but I'm prepared for all of that.  I am frustrated because I thought the timing of Joel being home would work out.  All my fears and worries were put to bed the day Joel arrived home. And although every day that went by without a baby felt like I had been "cheated" out of a day of Joel's help, I always knew he would stay another week if we/I needed it.  But now those 2 weeks have come and gone and all these feelings are back.

Now, I do have a backup plan in theory.  My friend Dana who I have known since grade 1 when I first started at BH has agreed to be my "on call" partner.  She would meet me at the hospital, or drive me and stay with me until Joel arrives. Understanding that may mean actually being there for the birth.  That being said, this plan has faults.  Dana can't exactly just leave work to be with me, so this plan only works if it is a weekend or before/after work hours.

Anyways, I just feel misunderstood which only adds to my frustration.