The battle has just begun.....

That's right. Im in battle. With a sweet stubborn beautiful little girl and I want to wave my white flag and give up. But then I remember parenting isn't about what's easier for the "now" but about what's right in the end. And in this case what's right is for bug to learn to fall asleep by herself.

She is a great sleeper that I really can't complain but i also can't spend 2 hours a night getting her to sleep. For one that's really my only me time. And really that's not practical in my life. So the battle has been drawn. We are working on it. Its hard. Its frustrating. It tough on me tough on her and tough on peanut. But i feel its right and will be worth the battle in the end.......

Birthday Dinner

My parents get back on my mom's birthday, but not until late so Sunday I am bringing over dinner. They have been eating out a lot so I thought I'd theme her dinner and make things based on that. (I have also done this for my father in laws birthday when I did a Russian themed dinner) My menu includes 7 layer dip for an appie, Stacked Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas (http://www.perrysplate.com/2011/03/stacked-roasted-vegetable-enchiladas.html) for the main course, and my dear friend Dawn (Sunrise Mosaics) is making us red velvet Mexican themed cupcakes! My parents head off to PV for 3 months starting January so it's a tribute to their next vacation!

Another go around ~

Another sad day today, but I am really starting to get used to this routine. Funny how it never is as hard as I think it will be. (or as hard as other people think it is on me) I do want to add some clarity to the situation though, just for all the people who have ever questioned....

• J and I love each other very much. He selfless does what he does so 1.) I can stay at home with Peanut & Bug 2.) We can afford the things we need and those that we want
• J actually really likes what he does and the guys he works with and for, he wouldn't do it otherwise
• I can't imagine ever cheating on J or J cheating on me so no I don't worry about it
• If I ever asked, he would stop doing what he does and come back to work in the city. Simple.
• If we ever feel we are drifting apart, he will come back
• We talk every day and he skypes with us at least twice a week.
• Peanut ALWAYS recognizes him - every. single. time.

Anyways, I just wanted people to hear it from me instead of questioning it either behind my back or to other members of my family. I am happy. J is happy. Yes we miss each other, but we also like it too. It adds to our emotional relationship. It keeps us communicating. It adds excitement when we do see each other. We are able to do things we wouldn't be able to do otherwise.

I think sometimes people forget I have an extremely supportive family on both sides. I was lucky enough to marry into great in laws who treat me like their own, a sister who is also on mat leave and makes the drive into the city once a month so the cousins can see each other and we can spend the day talking, asking each other advice, and generally enjoying each other's company. My parents are lucky enough to have retired (or mostly in the case of my pops) and so I can visit with them any day, any time. Both sets of parents welcome me and the kids into their homes. I see both sets a minimum of once a week, but usually more. They help me go shopping, babysit whenever I need, feed me dinner and keep me company on lonely days. I honestly am really grateful for them.

So whenever you think my situation is tough or unfair or judge the way we live, remember that it honestly isn't that bad. There are a lot of positives about my situation. I just felt like it was time to add some clarity......

I love this one too!

Another girl to steal my heart <3

I love this girl

In her dad's outfit from when he was a kid

Feeling better

So to relieve my stress and make us feel better about the big move, we're going to increase our mortgage payments to what they will be with the new taxes included starting next month. This gives us a good way to test the waters before jumping in with both feet. I am feeling good about this. We also have set a down payment goal.

Can't Sleep

Peanut woke up about an hour ago because she was wet - actually she had leaked. Oh those are always fun nights of changing in the dark. I changed her and just put a blanket over top of her wet sheets that I will change in the morning. She went right back to sleep, but I couldn't. I tossed and turned for 1/2 an hour and then decided I might as well get up.  Actually I think it is because I have a lot on mind.  

Today we went to revisit the home we are seriously considering building. I keep replaying the pros and cons of moving. The con list is short..... just one on there...... but it's a big one. Expense!  Not just the expense of the house and lot, but of the other things that will go along with moving. Our furniture will not fit in the living room, so new living room furniture. The master bedroom is huge which means I would like to add a chair to it. We have a flat screen for our TV, but would need a wall mount. We would need to hire movers. It's a new home, so it wouldn't come with things like a hose outside. And the list goes on. Of course there are things I can add to the mortgage like landscaping, appliances and drapes, but it's all the other things that I'm starting to wonder about. Will this actually be possible for the summer of 2012 like we were hoping?! Will we be able to sell our house for enough that we'll walk away with some cash for these expenses besides what we have for savings?! I guess only time will tell...... for now, the planner in me has kicked in and I'm just left wondering.......

Adventures and Shopping

We ventured out to Grand Forks this weekend for some shopping and relaxing. J really wanted to take Peanut camping this year for Father's Day, but I was VERY pregnant and he was worried about getting Peanut somewhere and to the hospital if it happened while he was away. (turns out he could have gone since he missed it anyways) So to make up for it we headed down to Grand Forks for Sunday and Monday with our friends Chris, Sarah and their 2 little guys.  R is a year older than peanut, but they play extremely well together.  It's actually really cute to watch. Besides the exchanging of kisses and a couple of meltdowns (from both kids), they shared toys, played in the pools, and hung out with their dads pretty much the whole weekend.  Sarah and I took B and Bug shopping with us, and got a lot accomplished. We even managed a sit down lunch with both little ones. I am finished my Christmas shopping for all children in our lives leaving just my parents and in laws. Considering it is only September, I am super happy! 

Last weekend we ventured out to the parade of homes. We have been talking for awhile now about a new house. We have now been preapproved from the bank (conditional on the sale of our house), met with 2 different Realtors about selling our place, and found a couple of floor plans we both like. I like different areas of the city than J, so we will see who wins that battle.  We hope to make it out to the parade again before J heads back. There was one home in particular I would like to visit again as I really think the floor plan is functional. It is missing the formal dining room however has enough room in the kitchen for a dining room table. It didn't meet J's requirement of an open ceiling to the 2nd story, however it did have 13ft ceilings on the main floor so it still left open and big. (without having the windows to clean and drape) It was the smallest house we have seen, but with every room being functional, I believe it is actually bigger. (most other houses were approx. 300 sq ft bigger, but included a formal dining room and/or study) Plus with me being the one who cleans it, I'm perfectly happy with it being slightly smaller. :) J wants me to revisit one from the spring parade as he really liked that floor plan.

I have really enjoyed this last week and am excited to still have another week to go!

Yum!

DRESSING
1/3 cup tahini (sesame paste)
Zest and juice from a lime (about 2 tablespoons juice)
1/2 teaspoon cumin (key ingredient, try not to skip)
1 or more chipotle chiles from a can of 'chipotle peppers in adobo sauce' (because I like it spicy, I use about 5 chilies)

BEAN & VEGETABLE MIXTURE
2 15-ounce cans of beans, rinsed well and drained
1 or more good summer tomatoes, chopped
2 large bell pepper, chopped
1/3 cup chopped red onion
1 cup chopped cilantro

mix all together and enjoy!

Challenge

Secretly (or not so secretly now), I'd like to be a vegan. Something about the challenge and discipline of it really interests me.  Plus the more and more I think about it, the more it seems like the right decision for me. (no judgement here, just a statement) I wonder if I could for 30 days? I think after the weekend, I might need to try.......