It's the little things.....

I've slowly been committing to small changes towards my overall health.  It started with ditching soda altogether and replacing it with water kefir lemonade.  

Then came promising to exercise every other day in a formal way.  Not like I play with kids, coach soccer, clean the house, and mow the grass kind of exercise but I downloaded the 5k runner app and have been doing it. No excuses.  

Then I downloaded the lose it app which is amazing! It's easy to track my daily intake of food and really makes me question if a cinnamon bun for breakfast is the right choice.  It has a scan barcode option so when I need to input things like bread or frozen fruit, I just scan and go.  I measured everything at first, but now eyeball it more.  It has a section for recipes so that a serving becomes accurate and allows you to input your exercise to "win" calories back.  My goal was a weight loss so my calories represent that.

Then I became a vegan.  Easy enough really and although I would have sworn I'd miss cheese, I haven't.  It helps I purchased 2 new cookbooks and they are amazing. I love cooking and its gotten me back on track with trying new things! I make something everyday! 

Then I started using the kids plates and bowls to help my eyes see more food. 

My latest food change was inspired by B and although its a loose interpretation, I have gone wheat free.  I am eating a vegan gluten free bread from Costco (which although is dense is quite good), and I've switched to brown rice pasta.

BUT my biggest change is removing negativity in my life.  I have met any people out here, many who live a similar life to me and J.  I have always been grateful that J is willing to sacrifice this time with the kids so I can stay home.  They are only little once and although he promises to be the best grandpa around, that doesn't exactly change today.  It's not easy on either if us (some days more than others), but it was a choice we made as a family. 

 I don't feel the need to complain about it. It was a choice. It doesn't fix it, so no need for a pity party. If I do have a bad day and need to vent, its to a small group of super close friends and family. (Although I probably have used this medium before too). I really try to follow the advice of "people know your husband through you so be careful with your words".  My friends are protective of me, but they also don't know J's amazing side.  I would never flaunt that around which also means the complain train goes on without me too.  I don't want them to only hear the negative.  

The friends I've met out here aren't like me.  They use their friends like therapy.  They openly talk poorly about their husbands and some are down right resentful of them working away. I noticed I was quiet during these play dates, but that I also would end up worrying about them, their marriages, and how their kids are interrupting this as they are always playing around.  

It had to stop for my mental well being.  So I've left the "it" crowd and decided to stay to myself.  There are still a handful of close friends I have out here that I enjoy their company but gone are the days of welcoming everyone into my life. 

So for now these have been my changes....., 

Since I met J...

My life has been amazing, spontaneous, full of adventure and surprise, chaotic, and sometimes enough to drive me crazy!

2007: met J. He moved to Victoria
2008: J moved back to Winnipeg, we had our first apartment, and bought our first house. We ended the year in November by getting engaged!
2009: we married in Arizona and I got pregnant with peanut
2010: we welcomed peanut into our lives, J started working our of town, we got pregnant with bug
2011: we visited Arizona again, we welcomed bug into our lives, we sold our home
2012: we moved to a new home in a new community 


So what's in store this year? 
2013: we are travelling to Rome! J turns 30 this year and I surprised him with a trip. His parents are going us and although I don't want to wish the summer away, I am really looking forward to is trip.

Peanut also starts preschool in September which will change our routine as she goes twice a week in Steinbach. I'm really happy with the school and I think she'll love it.  I think it will be just as hard on bug.....

I love my life, through all our ups and downs, through everything we've done already and those adventures that will still come our way, I can happily say we've done it together.  

"Life is either a great adventure, or nothing" - Helen Keller 

She carries the whole world in her hands.....

I love a good girl chat. I have lots of friendships that I have developed or reignited this year and our talks and visits are awesome!  We generally talk light hearted, but every now and then family or personal issues enter the conversation.  although I can not relate to some of their issues, I know its not always up to me to solve their problems.  Sometimes just an ear will do.....

........But then night comes.

And I start replaying their problems, searching for solutions, advice, a great quote to inspire, or anything I can do to help.

Ok, so here's the issue.  I have my own stresses. My own problems. My own life dealings. I found especially this month that I'm internalizing a lot of issues.  I'm feeling their pressure like my own. But it's not.  I know its not in my logical mind, but my heart just breaks for them, and wants to help.

So, here's what I'm asking, how do you provide great support for friends without worrying and internalizing their problems? How do you separate their issues from your own? How do you stop feeling their pressure tangled into your own?

I need some peace but I still want to be a good friend, listener and someone they feel comfortable sharing with if and when they need, but at the same time I can't keep going in this direction of worrying about the whole world.  It's simply too much..... Help!

Giving

Well we have been fairly busy around here between J being gone for five-week and my parents and in-laws also away it's left me on my own.  I've babysat many days during this run for friends to help them out, I've had 2 very sick girls, celebrated a 3rd birthday, I've booked a surprise and I've explored a new chapter in our  life...... (Pre) school!

The surprise I planned is beyond exciting! It's for J's 30th birthday and I can't wait to spring this on him. Just not yet :) but I will say its for September when he has time off!!

April 1st peanut will be registered for preschool. I'm exploring a dance studio to take both girls to and I have bug in swimming with peanut on the wait list.  I may try to see if peanut can't get in then if I can make arrangements for care and take peanut another time.

Well I can't write much more now, but one day soon ill do a proper catch up. I'm just too tired tonight

Learning

So I don't have much to say really.  This month has been full of surprises, learning and working on staying positive.  I am learning more patience - both within a family situation but also with a 3 year old daughter.  I am learning how much influence I have over 2 little ones and am constantly trying to adjust my attitude to help not only myself, but them as well. 

I have been seeking spirituality lately which is something new for me.  I'm still not sure where I stand, but I do know I am waist deep trying to figure it all out.  I'm not sure what brought this one, and I'm not sure anything will come of it, but I do feel it is something I "need" to do.  Something inside me is stirring......

Within our community I have stepped up and stepped down with some commitments, and although I can feel some did not agree with my decision, I do feel I did what was right not only for me, but also for my family.  I cleared the air yesterday with one member, and I feel pretty good now.  As long as the situation doesn't stay awkward, then we're back to an enjoyable experience.

I'm happily completing little acts of kindness here and there.  This month we have made a hamper for Ronald McDonald House and delivered it (it included probably 30 items from their wish list), we made homemade soup and delivered it to a friend and her family, we sent a thank you gift to the nice local company who back bladed our driveway at no charge, we made cookies for a friend in exchange for cinnamon buns, we continue to sort clothing for Baby Blessings (a local charity that supports teen pregnancies), and we set up a birthday surprise for "daddy" while he was away.  These are the things I'm most proud of.  They remind me of a time when I first was dating J.  He was talking about a conversation with his father (when his father was sick) and how the only thing M wanted for J, was to "take care of people".  As J retold this story to me in detail, with tears in his eyes (and the only time I've ever seen him cry) I knew it was important to him.  So I am most proud because I know I am teaching this to the girls exactly the way he'd want me to and I'm helping fulfill his father's wish for our family.

Well I need to keep this short, so for now, I'll leave it at that. 

Whirlwind

Our life right now is a whirlwind..... of choice, of opportunities, and of decisions. 

But today's post is about something else.  What do you do when you like a mom, but not the influence her child has on yours? 

Now let me clarify - I think she's a great mom, and I enjoy her company, but whenever Peanut visits her, she comes home with a new attitude, one I don't appreciate.  I've noticed the little girl has this attitude, mostly towards her mom, but sometimes directly to Peanut and although I want to say something about how she addresses Peanut, I don't.  I feel some of the language she uses to Peanut is rude and needs to be corrected.  I think she has a really hard time sharing, and I don't think she plays very nicely. 

But the mom is in a tough situation.  She has a life similar to mine.  So, at what point do you cut off a friendship for the influence of your own child? I mean, Peanut will meet kids like this next year in preschool surely.  She might even end up as one (although I hope not!). Do I address it with her and risk offending her? (and truth be told, I'm sure I would)  Do I just correct Peanut after each visit?  Do I explain that although her mom may tolerate that behaviour, I absolutely do not.

Advice..... please!

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

This is a question I get asked all the time as a stay at home mom.  Okay maybe it's not worded quite like that, but the message is always the same.....

"So you don't work?"

"Don't you want your kids to interact with other kids?"

"I guess it was easier to choose to stay home because you didn't have a career before kids"

or my personal favourite..... "What do you do all day? I'd go crazy!"  Well on any given day I would agree that I am crazy, but not due to lack of things to do. 

So before you ask a SAHM why she chooses that option, please remember it is a choice.  One I made, but understand it is not for everyone.  One that although is right for me and my family, does not mean everyone could or should do it. 

We all make choices everyday.... what to eat, what time to wake up, to not use our turn signal in our vehicle, everything we do is a choice.  This is just another one that some make because to them it makes sense.  To them it feels right.  It doesn't make me less of a person or a better mom.  It just makes me.... well me.