Believe

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” Author Unknown

With J's time coming to a close, his spirit to find us a place is really lost. He started the journey so positive that he could find something and that something would work out. Yesterday he was frustrated, but today he had lost all hope.

I feel for him, he so badly wants us to be out there with him, and we want to be there too, but finding a place to rent in a small community can be hard. We have many advantages that help, but we are also a family of 4 with 2 small kids. Not everyone is pumped about opening up their homes to us. I understand. Kids spill things, they break things, they are kids. A few of the houses would be for sale while we rented them so I understand their reservations. I am a fairly clean person, but people there do not know me. I'm sure they hear "mother of a 19 month old and 4 month old" and worry that our house may be chaotic. I've seen people without kids that live in more of a mess than we do, but people don't understand that isn't me.

I tried to cheer J up tonight, but it seemed near impossible. I told him if it didn't work for November/December, it might for the spring. I think he really had his hopes set on having a plan before coming home and the unknown is hard. He knows we are relying on him, and the pressure of that can't be easy. I have a plan though, we will pack one pod to storage and a smaller one that can easily be moved up there once we find a place. They can deliver it and it will include all the things we are living with now - minimal but functional. 

He will be home soon and then he will feel better. He will wake up to Bug and Peanut's smiles and the world will be right again and his hope will be restored. I just wish we could help him see that something will work out, we just don't know when yet.